


Love in the Modern Workplace, or How to Fill Out Form 54a: A specific romantic liaison ("date") between two (2) coworkers within one (1) department

by shinyopals



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Basira Hussain - minor appearance - Freeform, Canon Asexual Character, Documentation, Eldritch Bureaucracy, Elias Bouchard Canon-Typical Bastardry, Flagrant violations of the Magnus Institute Employee Code of Conduct, Fluff, M/M, No Spoilers for S4, No spoilers for s5, POV Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Peter Lukas - canon-typical avoiding interaction and thus technically not an appearance, S3 canon-typical ending, S3 minor canon divergence, Tim Stoker - minor appearance - Freeform, dark humour, not plot relevant but it comes up, office politics, various and sundry Institute staff whose names Jon doesn't remember
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-16 05:19:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 22,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28576632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinyopals/pseuds/shinyopals
Summary: 'I've noticed, that, ah, maybe, you- you don't, ah, hate me,' Jon says at last.There is a lengthy silence.'Um,' says Martin at last. 'No I- I don't- I don't hate you? Is that a- a- problem?'After returning from America, Jon shoots his shot. It goes... surprisingly well, given that it's him.Unfortunately there's also the matter of the Magnus Institute Employee Code Of Conduct Rules Regarding Romantic Relationships Between Employees, and all of the supplementary paperwork that needs to be filled in every time they go on a date.
Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist
Comments: 174
Kudos: 417





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Huge thanks to [pinehutch](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinehutch) and [aibari](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aibari) for the beta work on this - massively appreciated! And thanks to [thirty2flavors](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thirty2flavors) (who’s not even in this fandom) for telling me which fonts are on her Mac.
> 
> Few important notes on this:
> 
> 1\. This is a **s3 canon divergence** \- but only slightly.
> 
> 2\. **Content warning:** while this does diverge from canon with the romance, it does not diverge in other aspects, so there are still some heavier themes/scenes in the run up to the Unknowing, and Jon still ends up in a coma at the end of this.
> 
> 3\. This fic uses a **custom work skin** in order to display the paperwork that’s being filled in/show who’s filling it in. If you disable custom workskins, it won’t make sense in parts. The skin itself uses “handwriting” style fonts. (1) I know that for some people these might prove difficult/annoying to read so chapter 2 is a more accessible version with “handwriting” stripped and replaced with standard serif/sans serif options. (2) Depending on what fonts you’ve got installed you might not see these on ANY version - mobile devices don’t play nicely with ~fancy fonts lol.
> 
> As a disclaimer, I’m an enthusiastic amateur with html trying to have some fun, so I can’t promise full accessibility, but if you’re having trouble or if you spot something you think I can do better, drop me a note in the comments and I’ll try and figure it out.

* * *

> # The Magnus Institute
> 
> ## Employee Handbook & Code of Conduct
> 
> ### 5\. Romantic relationships in the workplace
> 
> _**5.1: Introduction**  
>  The Institute recognises that in the course of their employment, colleagues may sometimes develop romantic feelings for each other and wish to pursue these feelings in a relationship. As this can be a positive experience, the Institute does not prohibit such attachments. However, there are certain unique pitfalls that can occur due to romantic attachments. The following chapter outlines the policies and procedures in place to minimise the risk to yourself, your fellow colleagues (both those you are romantically involved with and those you are not), and the Institute itself, in the event of your developing such feelings. Familiaring yourself with the below rules and guidelines will help you retain good working relationships with all your coworkers, as well as maintain your productivity._
> 
> _**5.2: Overall guidelines**  
>  5.2.1: Don't allow yourself to become distracted from your job due to romantic attachments. Your primary responsibility is to conduct your role to the best of your abilities. While working, you're expected to be focussed on the responsibilities of your job._

* * *

'That's lovely, Jon,' says Georgie distantly.

Jon stops talking, purses his lips together and waits.

Eventually Georgie looks up from her laptop, chewing her lip. 'Um,' she says.

'You just said that me permanently adopting the Admiral as the Archives cat and taking him to work with me was “lovely”,' says Jon. Then he frowns as he spots the wire dangling from her ear, previously obscured by her hair. 'Is that a- are you- are you listening to _music_ while we're talking?'

'No!' says Georgie. A beat. 'It's actually an audio recording from 1991 taken at the Dales Barn in Essex. You know, for the show. My job. Just like how you-' she points at his paperwork, spread out across the table, 'are doing your job.'

'I _am_ doing my job,' says Jon. He pats his papers vaguely and picks up his pen. Then he wiggles his laptop mouse, noticing that the screen has timed out.

'You remember when you invited yourself over because you don't have any furniture in your new flat and your office is closed - why is that by the way?'

Jon shrugs. 'Deep cleaning,' he says. The email from Artefact Storage demanding everyone evacuate immediately and not return for at least forty-eight hours had been unenlightening. Something just beneath his skin itches and twists with the need to _know_ , but another, bigger part of him is just relieved that the disaster of the week is Someone Else's Problem.

'Anyway, remember I specifically said I had a deadline to record tomorrow, and I needed to work,' says Georgie archly. 'And you said that was fine, because you also had a deadline, what with the world maybe ending. Is this conversation coming back to you?'

Jon cringes slightly. 'Ah, maybe,' he concedes.

'Does your plan to save the world involve you telling me at length about how pretty Martin is?' she asks.

'I- did- that is- It wasn't- I did _not_ -'

'I swear to God, Jon, if I have to listen to another half hour about how his cheeks go all _pink_ when you talk to him, or how is tea is _perfect_ , or how he _smiles_ , or how you two had a conversation yesterday which, by your own account, was the most inane conversation between two adult men in the history of-'

'Yes, yes, all right, all right, I'm working-' huffs Jon. He picks up his papers and shuffles them about. Martin does make perfect tea. He doesn't know why Georgie isn't being more understanding about this. Perhaps if she had a chance to taste it she'd get it, but he can't very well ask Martin to make Georgie some tea. Maybe if he brought a thermos to work...

'Just ask him out already,' mutters Georgie, rolling her eyes.

'I can't do that!' says Jon automatically.

'Why not?' says Georgie. 'He's gay, single, and blushes and stammers and smiles around you enough that _even you_ have noticed that he's into you.'

Embarrassed warmth coils through Jon's belly and he feels a sudden urge to hide underneath the table and giggle into his hands. He suppresses that urge violently. His grip on the folder he's holding tightens.

'Because- because none of that- it doesn't matter when the world might end,' he says.

Georgie's amusement vanishes and her smile is replaced by something much sadder. 'I don't know, Jon,' she says. 'Isn't that- isn't that a reason to just go for it anyway?'

Jon shrugs.

She nudges his arm with hers gently. 'Look, as much as I'd love to hear more about Martin's collection of jumpers - of which you have described seventeen so far, even before I stopped listening - I have to finish this. And you have to, you know-' she gestures vaguely at his work- 'save the world?'

'The Dales Barn Hauntings in the early nineties were caused by fourteen year olds Roger Blake, Samantha Holdings and Diana Dunston using a gerryrigged speaker system, a number of electromagnets, and the old fashioned wiring within the barn,' rattles off Jon, the knowledge bypassing his brain entirely and vomiting up through his vocal chords without his permission. 

Georgie puts down her pen. 'You know what,' she says, 'fuck your superpowers.'

'Ah. Quite.'

'And if you put any of that information in the comments, my next episode is going to be an expose of your feelings for Martin. Which I will send to him.'

'I would never!' says Jon. 'If I tried to debunk your podcast I'd be here for years.' He pauses. 'And you don't have any recordings of me talking about Martin.'

'Jon, trust me when I say it would really not be that hard to get them.'

* * *

> _**5.2: Overall guidelines**  
>  5.2.2: It is important to treat all of your colleagues equally and fairly at all times in the workplace, even when romantic attachments are involved. This holds especially true if you are a manager or decision maker. Section 5.4 of the handbook is dedicated towards ethical and fair treatment when you are in a position of authority and should be read by all involved._

* * *

Tim is in the kitchen, making himself tea.

If Jon had been prepared for that, he would not have made a garbled, panicked noise on seeing him, and thus would have been able to sneak off, unnoticed. As it is, he is not prepared, and he does make that noise, and Tim turns, sees who it is, and stiffens immediately. 

Jon should be used to the way Tim's eyes narrow in resentment by now, should be used to the reminder that he's not welcome. It still feels like a twist of the knife.

'I can-' he starts to say, leaning backwards, about to turn and run.

'I was just leaving,' says Tim, every word sounding like an accusation. He picks up his mug.

Jon half skips a couple of steps inside the kitchen to avoid the crush of two bodies together in the door, avoid bringing himself any closer to Tim than he has to. He clutches his hands together and hunches his shoulders slightly, glancing out from under hair that hangs down over his ears as he watches Tim cross the room and approach the door.

It's only when Tim is at the doorframe that Jon speaks.

'Tim, I- could I- ask- no- I would like- to hear your- your opinion, on something,' he says.

'What,' says Tim, voice flat and hard. He doesn't turn back.

The thing is, it's not just the Unknowing looming heavy in Jon's mind. It's the things he can't tell Georgie. 

_I must stoically hold myself back from relationships and save the world,_ makes him sound like a superhero.

 _Everyone is trapped with me. I don't think I'm human any more,_ does not.

Tim, Melanie, Basira- and he's thinking of trying to pursue _happiness_. Now, of all times. It's… absurd. It's not fair to them. But maybe if Martin wants, like Jon thinks maybe he does, then maybe it's not fair to _him_ to not at least give him the choice-

Jon shakes his head and rubs his eyes.

'Is there-' He breaks off, bites down on his tongue hard, a reminder, _no_ , no questions, can't risk it. 'If you know of something I can do, for you, or for the others, to- to help-'

Tim's single 'Ha!' is bitter almost beyond all recognition. 'Oh, I think you've done enough, _Boss_ ,' he says. 'And now you've trapped us all in a basement with a monster. I'd say it couldn't get any worse, but I'm sure you'll find a way.'

'Right,' says Jon faintly. 'Thanks.'

That makes Tim do a double-take, but then he scoffs and strides off.

It's just, well, Tim's right. Jon probably will make things worse. There is no escape, not for any of them. They're probably going to die trapped in this basement, or the corridors below it, and if they're lucky they'll be remembered and loved by someone. There's nothing he can do about any of that _except_ make it worse. 

It's just hard to see how asking Martin if maybe he'd like to go for drinks will make the tiniest bit of difference, when it's laid out like that.

* * *

> _**5.2: Overall guidelines**  
>  5.2.3: Given the risks involved in a romantic relationship between colleagues, if you develop such feelings for someone you must go into any such endeavours open to rejection and willing to work with the person(s) who have rejected you after the event. You are permitted to hold one (1) conversation about the subject with the object of your affection. If they do not reciprocate, the matter should not be discussed again._

* * *

'Right. Um. Hello. Martin. Thank you. For coming. To this meeting.'

Martin's wearing the blue jumper with the sunflower pattern around the bottom of it. Jon can't remember if he's told Georgie about this one. It's a very nice jumper. 

'Oh, and thank you for the tea!' he adds urgently. 'It's good!'

Martin sits down across from Jon and fidgets with the sleeve of his jumper. He has nice hands. They're bigger than Jon's, and they look like they'd be lovely to hold, or- 

Jon forces his brain to stop. 

It would be best, he thinks, to be in control of his thoughts for this conversation.

'You haven't, um, tasted it yet,' says Martin, with a nervous laugh. 'It might be rubbish.'

'What? Oh. No. All your tea is good,' says Jon, the words bypassing his brain entirely. 

Martin goes pink and it's adorable, so maybe Jon should be grateful for his lack of brain.

'Oh,' says Martin at last. His voice has gone all surprised. Jon thinks he sounds pleased. He _hopes_ he sounds pleased. Jon knows he's _fairly_ oblivious when it comes to matters of the heart, and there is a chance he's just been reading what he wants to see into Martin's nervousness, and actually Martin just thinks he's a prick and can't wait to be away from him. Except it doesn't feel like that, not really. 

And, well, there have been one or two things said on the tapes. 

By Martin.

And Basira. 

And Melanie.

So maybe Jon's wrong, but he doesn't think he is, and perhaps it's better to _know_.

'So, um, meeting,' says Martin at last, filling the silence that's fallen. 'If this is about the Rochdale research then you should know I'm-'

'It's not about that,' interrupts Jon. He scoots forward in his chair, leans in slightly and grabs his tea. Then he picks it up and takes a sip and then smiles to himself. It is, in fact, perfect tea. Of course. 'It's about. Ah. Well.' 

He glances swiftly at Martin, sees nothing other than bafflement, and then looks down to inspect his tea. It's in the mug with the cat on it. He doesn't even remember telling Martin he likes cats, but he must have done, because around a year ago, his tea started arriving in the cat mug. He traces his right index finger around the rim, and if it shakes it's because of the burn. His left hand he cups about the mug for warmth, so it doesn't shake at all.

'I've noticed, that, ah, maybe, you- you don't, ah, hate me,' he says at last.

There is a lengthy silence.

'Um,' says Martin at last. 'No I- I don't- I don't hate you? Is that a- a- problem?'

Jon blinks and looks up from his tea. 'What-? No- why- why would that be a problem?'

'Well I don't know! You were the one who put an ominous meeting in my calendar and then opened with that!' says Martin, his voice rising a little.

'It's not- how is- this meeting isn't _ominous_ ,' says Jon.

'Oh, I'm sorry, but if your boss puts a meeting in that's literally just titled “meeting” with no other context that would be ominous in a normal job, all right, let alone this one,' says Martin. His voice has gone a bit high-pitched now, in that way that means he's a bit annoyed. Jon could listen to it all day. 'Especially if it's the day after you've jimmied the lock on your desk drawers because you've lost your keys and you're running late on some research for a couple of statements, and-'

'All right, firstly,' cuts off Jon, extremely happy to argue back, 'I think we're a bit beyond broken desk drawers at this point. Just tell Admin a ghost broke them if they give any trouble about replacing them. Secondly, you're not that late. Thirdly, yes, if my boss put a meeting of any sort whatsoever in with me it would be ominous because he is _at absolute minimum_ a double-murderer, and he framed me for one of those murders.'

'I'm just saying, no context meetings are ominous!' argues Martin, flapping his hands. 'You could have put an agenda in the invite! Or explained what it was about in an email! That's what you're supposed to do if you don't want it to seem bad!'

'Oh yes,' snarks Jon, 'item one: ascertain it Martin doesn't hate me. Item two: ascertain it maybe that means Martin likes me. Item three, dependent on answers to previous, invite Martin out on a-' _fuck_ '- Er.' _In for a penny._ 'Date? Maybe? Um. Right. Sorry.'

Martin's eyes have gone as big and round as saucers.

'What?' he says. Or at least, that's what Jon thinks he says. It comes out a bit garbled.

'If- if you want,' he mumbles. His heart is thumping in his chest. He looks at his tea again. It's a lot easier than looking at Martin. He hopes this isn't the last cup of tea Martin will ever bring him.

'If… _I_ want?' says Martin faintly.

'Even if- if you don't- hate me- there are probably a lot of reasons why it would be a bad idea,' says Jon weakly, hoping Martin will take this out rather than a more crushing alternative. 'So if- if you'd rather not I certainly won't- won't bring it up again.' It's not like he leaves his office much, these days. Not when the others are around, anyway. It won't be difficult to avoid Martin if Martin wants him too.

' _You_ want to go on a date with _me_ ,' says Martin.

It's only at this point that Jon notices the odd inflection and the stunned disbelief. He frowns as he risks a glance at Martin, who is still staring at him, wide-eyed.

'Yes?' he says. 'Isn't it obvious?'

Martin makes a wounded noise. ' _No_!' he says. 'I mean- I- You- How- When- Why- What-' He's getting flustered now, deep pink rising in his cheeks. 'Oh,' he says at last. 'Um. Yes? I would like. That.' His blush somehow deepens. 'To go on a date, I mean. If you want?' 

'Yes,' says Jon, immediately. 'Ah. Quite a lot. It turns out.' His heart is still thumping at a thousand miles an hour but the sudden rush of relief makes him think he's finished a marathon. The sensation that floods through him is momentarily confusing and unfamiliar, and he briefly wonders if he's caught on fire, before he realises it's an extremely pleasant one. He thinks he's smiling. He doesn't have a reason to do that often these days, but it's impossible not to, what with Martin… there. Just there. Not running screaming out of the room like he ought to, if he had any sense. Staying and blushing and staring at Jon, a smile beginning to dawn on his face too, as if Jon is someone worth staying and blushing and smiling over.

They grin giddily at each other for a time, and it's a lovely place to be. Jon thinks he could live here, for a while, just basking in Martin's sunshine.

Eventually, Martin speaks. 'So, um, did you, have anything in particular mind for our, um, _date_?' he says, his voice wobbling a bit over the last word. Then he bites his lip and he's still smiling and Jon is momentarily extremely distracted before reality intervenes.

'Oh. Um. I didn't- didn't actually think I'd get this far? If I'm honest.'

'You thought I'd say _no_?' Martin's incredulity is obvious and does nothing to make Jon feel less warm.

'Ah. I didn't- I didn't want to assume,' he says. 'But it- it was as much about, well, actually doing the asking.' He looks down at his rapidly cooling tea. He thinks he could heat it to boiling just from the heat of his face if he wanted to. At least it turns out bickering is good for something, after all. 'If it's not too unoriginal, we could just- we could get dinner?'

'That'd be nice,' says Martin. When Jon looks up, his smile has softened, in a way that makes Jon want to melt into a puddle of goo on the floor.

* * *

> _**5.2: Overall guidelines**  
>  5.2.4: In order to minimise awkwardness, you are required to notify your line manager prior to actively pursuing any romantic liaison. _
> 
> _5.2.5: If you and one or more coworkers wish to go on a date, you must fill in form 54 (a-g, depending on circumstances, see appendix 5C) and submit to your head of department within 5 working days of your date. Your head of department will file the form with HR._

* * *

They pick a Thai restaurant that's mutually convenient for Martin's flat and the Institute.

Since they both have smartphones this absolutely doesn't necessitate Martin wheeling his chair around Jon's desk to look up restaurants together online. Jon summons him around anyway, and feels extremely clever about it when their arms bump against each other as they look through the options. Then, when they've settled on the place, he glances at Martin and finds Martin looking at him and suddenly they're back to grinning at each other again.

'So, um, when did you want-?' says Martin.

'I'm free tonight,' says Jon. He can see his towering in-tray out of the corner of his eye. 'Later tonight,' he amends guiltily. 'Or any night this week. Ah. If you don't mind it being. Um. Late. On Saturdays I usually finish work at seven if you'd rather earlier!' He's immediately aware he's already falling at the first hurdle, and anyone with sense would run quickly away.

'Leave here eight-thirty tonight. Book for nine?' suggests Martin. His voice is surprisingly steady all of a sudden.

It's earlier than Jon would usually stop working and remember to eat. It's later - probably - than Martin would like. And Jon can always come back to the Institute and finish up afterwards.

'That's, ah, good, yes, sounds perfect,' he says. 

Martin nudges his arm minutely. 'I'll bring some tea and biscuits at five,' he says. 'Tide us over.'

'Martin,' says Jon, stupidly grateful.

'Oh,' says Martin suddenly, looking down, his cheeks awash with colour again. Jon realises he's grabbed Martin's jumper sleeve, quite without permission.

'Sorry, I- I- should have asked-' he says, dropping it.

'No! It's fine! You just- surprised me, that's all,' says Martin.

Jon does not grab Martin's jumper again, although he wants to. Well, he wants to take Martin's hand, but he knows if he does that - assuming Martin is open to it - then Jon will be absolutely no use for the rest of the afternoon. It's debatable whether he will be anyway. He'll have to find a statement filled with spiders to get back into the mood, especially if he's got to wrap things up by half past eight. 

'There is, ah, one last thing I should probably talk to you about,' he says.

Martin frowns slightly. 'OK...' he says slowly. 'We're back to ominous, now, are we?'

'Well,' says Jon, and he gestures at their surroundings. 'But, I've been reading the- the employee handbook-'

'You've been _what_?'

'-And it has a section about romantic, er, entanglements between employees-'

'Oh my god, Jon-'

'And, the, ah, policy is that I'm meant to ask my manager before, um, asking anyone out, and then there's a- a- form to fill in after any date actually happens.'

'You did _not_ actually talk to Elias about this?' demands Martin.

'No. Good god no,' says Jon. 'Good lord. Can you imagine that meeting? No I- well, I've just been thinking about doing this, ah, quite a lot for, well, some time now. So I assume our mind-reading boss probably, well, knows about it.' He gives a slight shrug and quirks an eyebrow. 'I think that's within the spirit of the policy, if not the letter.'

Martin stares at him for a few moments. 'I… don't quite know how to feel about that,' he says at last. Then: ' _How long_ have you been thinking about this?'

'If perhaps we could return to the matter of the form,' says Jon hurriedly, because Martin's starting to smile again and Jon's office is feeling warmer by the second.

'You're seriously going to do paperwork?' says Martin. He looks at Jon's desk, which is a towering monument to paperwork, both his own and other people's. Much of it has not been completed. 'I'm pretty sure I saw an unfinished expenses form from 2012 in here the other day, Jon,' he adds dubiously. 'Train ride to Exeter, Junior Researcher. That's at least a hundred quid this place owes you because you don't do paperwork. And you've never signed off any of my leave forms. Ever.'

'Yes, yes, yes,' scowls Jon, waving his hand. 'I've been busy. Besides, you still took your leave. I just didn't submit the bloody documentation to HR.'

'Well can't we-? I mean- Look, um, it's not like we're going to get fired if we don't,' points out Martin. 'And I'm not sure how I feel about this place… having forms about us… going out.'

Jon lets out a breath and nods. 'Yes, I- know, I don't really-' He shakes his head and lets out a bitter laugh. 'I don't think it makes much difference, but it's-' He swallows. 'I don't want- I don't want Elias to turn his attention to you, any more than he has already. And if that means, well, filling in a few forms-' He shrugs.

Martin huffs out a small breath. 'I- I suppose,' he says. 'But are you going to have to- is he going to have to sign the things?'

'Oh, well, actually,' Jon pauses and grins, 'the policy says the Head of Department has to sign off on paperwork relating to two people within the same department getting involved in- getting involved.'

A pause. Martin blinks. 'The Head of Department being… you,' he says at last.

'Yes,' says Jon.

Martin snorts. 'I've literally never heard you sound so self-satisfied before,' he says. 'All right, fine. But you're not delegating it all to me.'

'I wouldn't!' says Jon, who probably would, if Martin let him get away with it.

'Evil God of Invading Privacy. I suppose it's to be expected, isn't it?' mutters Martin. He shakes his head and then leans forward, making to move. 'I, um, well, back to work?'

'Yes, I- probably-' says Jon, taking in the piles that are his desk. 'Until tonight?'

Martin's smile as he stands up is a shy and beautiful thing. 'Do you, um, want me to make the reservation?' he asks.

It's the temptingly easy option, given all he's got to do.

'No,' says Jon brusquely. 'I asked. I'm taking you out on a date, Martin, not the other way around.' He's going to pay, too, he's decided, but bringing it up now seems a little gauche. 

'Oh, um, OK,' says Martin, flushing a deeper red, making it well worth the inevitable awkwardness of having to actually phone a restaurant. 'I'll... see you later then!' He gives a little wave as he goes, and Jon smiles after him.

Ten minutes later he shakes himself out of it and phones the restaurant.

  


* * *

  


Magnus Institute  
---  
London  
VIGILO•OPPERIOR•AUDIO  
54a | Specific romantic liaison ("date") between two (2) coworkers within one (1) department  
INVOLVED PARTIES  
| Party 1 | Job title  
---|---  
Jonathan Sims | Head Archivist  
Party 2 | Job title  
Martin Blackwood | Archival Assistant  
DETAILS  
| DATE COMMENCED | TIME COMMENCED  
---|---  
11th July 2017 | 8.34pm  
DATE CONCLUDED | TIME CONCLUDED  
12th July 2017 | 1.43am  
LOCATION  
-Bangkok Thai  
-King's Arms  
-Vauxhall Park  
ACTIVITIES ENGAGED IN  
-Eating  
-Talking  
-Walking  
ANY INSTITUTE DISCUSSION  
-Discussion of how to ensure mood in the Archives doesn't get worse if we're going to do this  
-Discussion of whether dating in the run up to the possible end of the world is wise  
ANY CODE OF CONDUCT BREACHES TO REPORT  
1\. JS called Elias an "incontrovertible dickhead" at one point  
2\. MB's giggle in response arguably made him complicit  
DECLARATION AND SIGNATURES  
| THE BELOW UNDERSIGNED PARTIES CERTIFY THAT THE INFORMATION PROVIDED IN THIS FORM AND ANY ATTACHED SUPPLEMENTAL DOCUMENTS ARE TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF THEIR KNOWLEDGE.   
---  
Party 1  
SIGNED AND DATED | Head of Department  
SIGNED AND DATED  
Jonathan Sims 12/07 | Jonathan Sims 12/07  
Party 2  
SIGNED AND DATED | Head of HR  
SIGNED AND DATED  
MBlackwood 12/7/2017 |   
If more than two parties are attending, use form 54b. If the parties involved are within multiple departments, use forms 54c-f. For misc romantic liasons use form 54g.  
  
  


* * *

  


'Last item on the agenda,' says Elias smoothly, running an unhurried hand down his notes as if this departmental manager meeting hasn't already overrun by seventy-six minutes. 

Jon, who has been reading his emails on his phone for the last two hours - specifically the email from Martin with the results of his research that contains three happy-face emojis, asks him if he's free that evening, and signs off with 'xxx' in a deeply unprofessional way (so unprofessional that Jon has read it forty times already and has had to repeatedly bite his lip to stop himself from smiling at it) - feels something like dread begin to coil in his stomach. He sinks into his chair and stares determinedly at his notebook.

'Ah, yes,' says the Head of HR. They pick up their own notepad and scan down it. 'I believe we've had a form 54c from, uh, Cassie in the Library. She's planning to ask out Deanna Winters, in Research - but Diana I think you wanted to raise this as a discussion point.'

'Right, yes,' says the Head Librarian. 'I'm concerned about Cassie's performance. 'I think she'll be too easily distracted from her work and dating one of her colleagues won't help.'

'Well that's certainly a valid reason to deny the relationship,' puts in Elias. He's probably smirking. Jon is avoiding looking up to verify. 'After all, our primary purpose here is to research, _not_ to get distracted by interpersonal issues.'

'Happy to leave it at your discretion, Diana,' says the Head of Research. 

_Christ_ , thinks Jon miserably. 

'Are there any other forms submitted?' asks Elias. 'Anything, perhaps, from the Archives?'

Jon feels eyes on him. He forces himself not to squirm, to keep his face bland as he looks up and stares down Elias. He should, of course, file the form properly. He wants to keep Martin safe. He wants to- to- 

But Elias _is_ smirking, and it's revolting.

'I'm… slightly behind on my paperwork,' he says at last, throat dry.

  


* * *

  


Magnus Institute  
---  
London  
VIGILO•OPPERIOR•AUDIO  
54a | Specific romantic liaison ("date") between two (2) coworkers within one (1) department  
INVOLVED PARTIES  
| Party 1 | Job title  
---|---  
Jonathan Sims | Head Archivist  
Party 2 | Job title  
Martin Blackwood | Archival Assistant  
DETAILS  
| DATE COMMENCED | TIME COMMENCED  
---|---  
13th July 2017 | 8.22pm  
DATE CONCLUDED | TIME CONCLUDED  
14th July 2017 | 3.05am  
LOCATION  
-The Fox & Hound  
-Battersea Park  
-Martin's flat  
ACTIVITIES ENGAGED IN  
-Eating  
-Talking  
-Walking  
-Netflix (w/ very nice blanket)  
ANY INSTITUTE DISCUSSION  
-Discussion around falling behind in one's paperwork and possible consequences thereof  
ANY CODE OF CONDUCT BREACHES TO REPORT  
1\. JS called all of the department managers "arseholes". If it's a mitigating point, I included myself in that.  
2\. MB agreed with somewhat unnecessary alacrity given the self-inclusion  
DECLARATION AND SIGNATURES  
| THE BELOW UNDERSIGNED PARTIES CERTIFY THAT THE INFORMATION PROVIDED IN THIS FORM AND ANY ATTACHED SUPPLEMENTAL DOCUMENTS ARE TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF THEIR KNOWLEDGE.   
---  
Party 1  
SIGNED AND DATED | Head of Department  
SIGNED AND DATED  
Jonathan Sims 14/07 | Jonathan Sims 14/07  
Party 2  
SIGNED AND DATED | Head of HR  
SIGNED AND DATED  
MBlackwood 14/7/2017 |   
If more than two parties are attending, use form 54b. If the parties involved are within multiple departments, use forms 54c-f. For misc romantic liasons use form 54g.  
  
  


* * *

  


> _**5.2: Overall guidelines**  
>  5.2.6: Displays of affection are banned while working, on the Institute premises, and whilst on Institute business. These include, but are not limited to: terms of endearment; behaviour that might be construed as “flirting”; sending affectionate or explicit emails or text messages; kissing; hugging; holding hands; and engaging in sexual or romantic contact._

* * *

Jon's eyes are shut.

He was extremely correct. Martin's hands are very nice. Especially when they're touching him.

'Good lord, Martin, this should be illegal,' he mutters.

He hears Martin let out a huff of a laugh. 'Well…' says Martin.

Jon cracks an eye and half turns to look up at Martin with a questioning eye, jostling the hands which are currently giving him a shoulder massage. He'd made a couple of pained faces after long days worked and somehow Martin had talked him into this like it was a favour for _Martin_. Jon is already boneless and brainless and he makes a vague questioning murmur.

'You're not the only one who can read the Employee Code of Conduct,' says Martin, although his eyes are mischievous.

'I'll be sure to complain to your manager,' mutters Jon, which gets him a gentle prod in the upper arm.

Then Martin runs that hand up Jon's shoulder and through his hair, nails lightly scraping his scalp, and Jon lets out a deeply mortifying noise that he thinks must be about three octaves above his usual. Martin, obviously, seems to take this as permission to do it again, as if Jon making awful squeaky noises is somehow a desirable trait. Jon isn't going to get _anything_ done that afternoon, and in that moment he can't convince himself to care. 

'Jon, um, can I- I mean- if you want- I'd quite like- if it's not- maybe-'

Jon opens his eyes fully now to see Martin has gone a lovely shade of pink. He's gorgeous.

'Can I kiss you?' Jon asks, before remembering that _he's at work_ , before remembering that his job is terrible and he can't be fired and therefore it doesn't really matter, before remembering that his boss is a murdering monster so maybe it does, before remembering that they've already decided to risk it all for a chance of some happiness so he might as well go for it.

Martin's face does a number of complicated things, and he makes a high-pitched noise which Jon treasures.

'I was going to ask you!' he says at last, slightly petulant. 

Jon stands up and reaches up to touch one hand to Martin's still-pink cheek. It's warm and round and soft and Martin leans into his hand.

'There's probably a form for this,' Jon jokes.

There's definitely a form for this, but he's suddenly shakily impatient in a way that's mirrored in Martin's eyes.

  


* * *

  


Magnus Institute  
---  
London  
VIGILO•OPPERIOR•AUDIO  
54a | Specific romantic liaison ("date") between two (2) coworkers within one (1) department  
INVOLVED PARTIES  
| Party 1 | Job title  
---|---  
Jonathan Sims | Head Archivist  
Party 2 | Job title  
Martin Blackwood | Archival Assistant  
DETAILS  
| DATE COMMENCED | TIME COMMENCED  
---|---  
18th July 2017 | 7.08pm  
DATE CONCLUDED | TIME CONCLUDED  
19th July 2017 | 8.15am  
LOCATION  
Jon's flat  
ACTIVITIES ENGAGED IN  
-Cooking/eating dinner  
(which was lovely!)  
(thank you!)  
-Several important conversations regarding boundaries/relationship status  
-Scrabble  
-Netflix  
-Sleeping  
ANY INSTITUTE DISCUSSION  
-The Unknowing was discussed at some length  
ANY CODE OF CONDUCT BREACHES TO REPORT  
N/A  
Jon cheated at scrabble! >:(  
This is libel!  
DECLARATION AND SIGNATURES  
| THE BELOW UNDERSIGNED PARTIES CERTIFY THAT THE INFORMATION PROVIDED IN THIS FORM AND ANY ATTACHED SUPPLEMENTAL DOCUMENTS ARE TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF THEIR KNOWLEDGE.   
---  
Party 1  
SIGNED AND DATED | Head of Department  
SIGNED AND DATED  
Cannot possibly sign given lies about my Scrabble prowess above | Jonathan Sims 19/07  
Party 2  
SIGNED AND DATED | Head of HR  
SIGNED AND DATED  
MBlackwood :) 19/7/2017 |   
If more than two parties are attending, use form 54b. If the parties involved are within multiple departments, use forms 54c-f. For misc romantic liasons use form 54g.  
  
  


* * *

  


Magnus Institute  
---  
London  
VIGILO•OPPERIOR•AUDIO  
55a | Notice of exclusive romantic relationship between two (2) coworkers within one (1) department  
INVOLVED PARTIES  
| Party 1 | Job title  
---|---  
Jonathan Sims | Head Archivist  
Party 2 | Job title  
Martin Blackwood | Archival Assistant  
DETAILS  
| DATE RELATIONSHIP COMMENCED | TIME RELATIONSHIP COMMENCED  
---|---  
18th July 2017 | 9pm  
ANY CONFLICTS OF INTEREST TO DECLARE  
1\. JS is MB's manager  
2\. JS isn't entirely human  
3\. Neither JS nor MB can be fired  
4\. Neither can anybody else who works with us  
5\. MB once shoplifted some eyeliner so is basically a criminal! :-O  
6\. MB may not be taking this paperwork entirely seriously  
(7. JS used to photocopy his uni textbooks and sell the copies at cost so has similar criminal tendencies)  
:-O :-O :-O  
PLANS TO MITIGATE CONFLICTS OF INTEREST  
We're mostly focussing on not dying in the immediate future.  
ANY CONCERNS RAISED BY YOUR MANAGER(S) OR HEAD OF DEPARTMENT  
My manager believes this is a positive step for my personal development :)  
Head of Department has signed off on this without concern.  
PREFERRED TERMINOLOGY TO DESCRIBE RELATIONSHIP  
Boyfriends/partners  
PLANNED REVIEW DATE OF CONCERNS/CONFLICTS OF INTERESTS WITH DEPARTMENT HEAD | TIME OF REVIEW  
18th January 2018 | 10.30am  
DECLARATION AND SIGNATURES  
| THE BELOW UNDERSIGNED PARTIES CERTIFY THAT THE INFORMATION PROVIDED IN THIS FORM AND ANY ATTACHED SUPPLEMENTAL DOCUMENTS ARE TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF THEIR KNOWLEDGE.   
---  
Party 1  
SIGNED AND DATED | Head of Department  
SIGNED AND DATED  
Jon Sims x 19/07 | Jon Sims 19/07  
Party 2  
SIGNED AND DATED | Head of HR  
SIGNED AND DATED  
MBlackwood <3 19/7/2017 |   
If more than two parties are involved in an exclusive relationship, use form 55b. If two parties are involved in a non-exclusive relationship, use form 55c. If more than two parties are involved in a non-exclusive relationship, use form 55d. If the parties involved are within multiple departments, use forms 55e-l. For misc romantic relationships use form 55m.  
  
  


* * *

  


'What do you think, Jon?'

The voice rouses him from murky, tangled thoughts about circuses and he squints around at Elias and the other departmental managers.

'Er,' he says. He thinks - quite strongly - that given the looming end of the world, he would be better off in the Archives, looking for relevant information about the Stranger. Or perhaps in Martin's arms, warding off the horror with warmth. Instead he's in the conference room, in another bloody management meeting.

The Head of HR levels an unimpressed stare at him and clears their throat before reiterating what he missed. 'Celia in payroll and Andy in Research submitted a form 55e two years ago,' they say. 'This week, Celia has submitted a form 54a regarding a romantic entanglement with Stephen in Artefact Storage. Given that neither she nor Andy have submitted a form 58 dissolving the relationship, nor a modification of the original 55 or a 57 to open it up, do we, as managers, have an ethical duty to Andy to inform of the infidelity?'

Jon stares around the table, but everyone else seems implacable.

'I… have to go,' he says, scrambling to his feet and grabbing his things. His right hand still twinges as he moves too quickly, but he ignores it as the air in the room is stuffy and he feels suddenly nauseous. 'I have… another meeting.'

'One more thing, Jon,' says Elias, voice light, eyes like drill bits. 'I think there might be some overdue paperwork from the Archives.'

Jon nearly stumbles, but stops himself. 'I'll check my desk!' he calls over his shoulder as he all but runs.

  


* * *

  


Magnus Institute  
---  
London  
VIGILO•OPPERIOR•AUDIO  
54a | Specific romantic liaison ("date") between two (2) coworkers within one (1) department  
INVOLVED PARTIES  
| Party 1 | Job title  
---|---  
Jonathan Sims | Head Archivist  
Party 2 | Job title  
Martin Blackwood | Archival Assistant  
DETAILS  
| DATE COMMENCED | TIME COMMENCED  
---|---  
21st July 2017 | 6.02pm  
DATE CONCLUDED | TIME CONCLUDED  
22nd July 2017 | 2.30pm  
LOCATION  
-Regent's Park Open Air Theatre  
-A burger stand  
-An ice cream van  
-The canal footpath  
-My flat  
-Mrs Tiddles' Cat Cafe  
-Hampstead Heath  
ACTIVITIES ENGAGED IN  
-Watching a play that was significantly better than poetry  
Bite me :)  
-Eating  
-Talking  
-Walking  
-Netflix  
-Sleeping :)  
-Petting cats  
SO MUCH petting cats. I'm surprised they didn't have to kick you out.  
ANY INSTITUTE DISCUSSION  
-The Unknowing came up  
-Tim came up  
-Sasha came up  
ANY CODE OF CONDUCT BREACHES TO REPORT  
MB took a number of photographs of JS and then refused to delete them  
You holding the grey kitten is going to be my lockscreen forever <3  
That kitten's name was Mr Grey. We don't have to like the choice, but we have to respect it.  
DECLARATION AND SIGNATURES  
| THE BELOW UNDERSIGNED PARTIES CERTIFY THAT THE INFORMATION PROVIDED IN THIS FORM AND ANY ATTACHED SUPPLEMENTAL DOCUMENTS ARE TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF THEIR KNOWLEDGE.   
---  
Party 1  
SIGNED AND DATED | Head of Department  
SIGNED AND DATED  
JS x 24/07 | Jon Sims 24/07  
Party 2  
SIGNED AND DATED | Head of HR  
SIGNED AND DATED  
MBlackwood 24/7/2017 |   
If more than two parties are attending, use form 54b. If the parties involved are within multiple departments, use forms 54c-f. For misc romantic liasons use form 54g.  
  
  


* * *

  


> _**5.2: Overall guidelines**  
>  5.2.7: Given the potentially fraught nature of employee relationships, section 5.3 of this handbook is dedicated to how to raise, handle and resolve disputes that arise as a result of relationships within the workplace. The specific forms and documentation required are detailed in that section, as are the exact routes of escalation, but generally you should talk to your manager and then escalate to their manager if there are any further issues. The HR department is always available as a point of contact for assistance if required._

* * *

The lights are bright and Jon's head aches and he's already been working for twelve hours. Martin is keeping him steadier - making him sleep more than he might otherwise have done and giving him a reason to leave the Institute - but on days when they're not going on a date, he's still got to work. He slept at his desk last night. He's half hoping Martin will bully him back to Stockwell tonight and coddle him. He's half hoping Martin won't, so he can get on with what he needs to do.

Martin's here now, in his office, and they're bent over a couple of statements - one from 1991 and one from 1978 - trying to make the details fit together, as though that'll somehow give them the key to saving the world.

A knock at Jon's office door makes both of them jolt upright, before Jon calls out and Basira enters. She's carrying a book and a couple of files.

'So I've found some references to a circus in this-' As she walks forward, she looks up at them. In doing so, she breaks off and wrinkles her nose. ' _Really_? At _work_?'

Jon follows her gaze to where his and Martin's hands are joined. He'd quite forgotten.

He feels his face heat up as he drops Martin's hand, and Martin withdraws from him, moving his chair back by a few inches.

'Right, ah, sorry, we- I- forgot,' says Jon. A sneaky kiss or a bit of a cuddle when it's just him and Martin in his office behind a locked door is one thing. Anything in front of the others is quite another.

Basira, however, just rolls her eyes. 'Whatever,' she says. 'Could be worse.' She grabs a spare chair and pulls it up to the desk where she dumps what she's brought.

'That doesn't mean it's OK to- to- make you uncomfortable,' says Jon.

'I said it's fine, Jon,' she says. 'It's just holding hands. Besides, who am I going to complain to, my manager?'

Jon winces. 'Technically I am the, ah, correct point of escalation as a first port of call,' he admits.

'First?' says Basira, sitting back. Her lip's quirking ever so slightly.

'If you're unhappy with my response you can, of course, reach out to Elias,' Jon says. 'Or the HR department. Forms 51a through to x cover complaints.' He reaches into his desk and pulls out a manila folder where he has copies of all of those forms and offers it to Basira.

She stares at him.

Martin also stares at him.

'Wow, um, OK, did you actually get a copy of all the complaint paperwork on the off chance?' demands Martin at last, sounding slightly offended.

'If you would like to make a complaint about me doing so, you'll need to fill in form 51d,' says Jon, '“Dispute raised between two employees who are in a romantic relationship as per form 55a-m”. So you could argue I was prepared.'

Martin splutters, and the splutter becomes, to Jon's relief, a laugh. 'Christ, you're an arse,' he says.

'Basira, did you want 51a?' Jon offers, waving the folder enticingly. She too is, if he's judging correctly, starting to look amused. '“Dispute raised between 1 employee and 2 or more others about the nature of their romantic relationship as per form 55a-m”.'

'I'm more concerned about the fact that my options are apparently you, Elias or HR,' she says with a snort. 'I'd say HR was the best of the bunch, but I didn't even know we have a HR department. Or are they just a haunted paper shredder?'

'Oh, no, there are actually two people in HR,' says Martin. 'Natalie's nineteen and she's only been here six months. She's working on her HR qualifications and she's scared of, well, everyone. I still haven't updated my paperwork for my sick leave with Jane Prentiss-'

'Martin,' says Jon, approvingly.

'-And she sends the odd email asking but they're all very apologetic. And Ashley's the Head of HR. They only work one morning a week and most of that time is spent in the Department Manager's meeting so…' He trails off and shrugs.

Basira sighs. 'That explains a lot,' she says.

'Yup,' agrees Martin.

'Look, um, Basira,' says Jon, serious once more. 'I, well, that is to say, I realise that the- the- actual chain of command you're, well, supernaturally bound to is rather untenable. And I can't exactly- But I don't want to make it worse. If Martin or I- If you are ever uncomfortable around the Archives, due to us-' He swallowed. 'I hope you'll tell one of us.'

'Oh, don't worry,' says Basira. 'I will.'

'Right. Good.'

'Besides,' she adds. 'I worked in the police. If you think I never walked in on a couple of cops having it off in the locker room then I don't know what to tell you.'

'Good lord.'

'I don't think that you have to worry about that from us, Basira,' deadpans Martin, with what might be a wink in Jon's direction, and Jon feels a huge burst of warmth bloom suddenly in his chest. It's _debilitating_ , feeling like this and trying to work, and he shakes himself as he leans forward. 

_Focus_ , he orders himself.

'What have you found?' he asks, and Basira opens up the top most folder.

  


* * *

  


Magnus Institute  
---  
London  
VIGILO•OPPERIOR•AUDIO  
54a | Specific romantic liaison ("date") between two (2) coworkers within one (1) department  
INVOLVED PARTIES  
| Party 1 | Job title  
---|---  
Jonathan Sims | Head Archivist  
Party 2 | Job title  
Martin Blackwood | Archival Assistant  
DETAILS  
| DATE COMMENCED | TIME COMMENCED  
---|---  
25th July 2017 | 7.40pm  
DATE CONCLUDED | TIME CONCLUDED  
26th July 2017 | 8.18am  
LOCATION  
Martin's flat  
ACTIVITIES ENGAGED IN  
-Dinner  
-Lovely homemade cake :)  
<3  
-Talking  
-Drunken card games in which we BOTH cheated, don't think I couldn't tell  
Maybe I just won because I'm very good  
ANY INSTITUTE DISCUSSION  
-The Unknowing came up  
-Extensive discussion of whether we would rather fight one Elias-sized eyeball or one hundred eyeball-sized Eliases  
ANY CODE OF CONDUCT BREACHES TO REPORT  
-Probably the Elias discussion, although I haven't found which specific rule it violates  
-Coming into work hungover  
DECLARATION AND SIGNATURES  
| THE BELOW UNDERSIGNED PARTIES CERTIFY THAT THE INFORMATION PROVIDED IN THIS FORM AND ANY ATTACHED SUPPLEMENTAL DOCUMENTS ARE TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF THEIR KNOWLEDGE.   
---  
Party 1  
SIGNED AND DATED | Head of Department  
SIGNED AND DATED  
JS 26/07 | JS 26/07  
Party 2  
SIGNED AND DATED | Head of HR  
SIGNED AND DATED  
MBlackwood 26/7/2017 |   
If more than two parties are attending, use form 54b. If the parties involved are within multiple departments, use forms 54c-f. For misc romantic liasons use form 54g.  
  
  


* * *

  


'I'm just _concerned_ that with the loss of his husband less than two years ago, he might be moving on a little fast,' says the Head of Finance.

Jon peers around the table as subtly as he can. He's starting to feel like he might be losing his mind. They can't actually be-? 

_Can they…?_

'A form 55d is quite a big commitment to someone new,' agrees the Head of HR. 'Perhaps we should put a meeting in with him to discuss and ensure he knows he's properly supported.'

'For Christ's sake let the man date who he wants.' Jon is rather shocked to realise the voice protesting is his own. 

Elias's lip curls upwards in what is unfortunately amusement.

The Head of HR looks taken aback. 'Well,' they say, 'that's a very modern approach to management, Jonathan, and I'm sure we'll take it under advisement, but…'

Jon sighs, and lets the meeting wash over him again.

Elias does not ask after the Archives' missing paperwork, and as the meeting ends, Jon feels briefly victorious as he grabs his things, not daring to look at his boss in case it-

'Jon, perhaps you could wait a moment?'

 _Fuck_.

'Yes, Elias?'

The other file out. The Head of Research even gives him a sympathetic look.

'If this is about the Unknowing then I would have made significantly more progress if I did not have to sit through a three hour meeting every-'

'Oh, no, Jon, I trust you're progressing well with that,' says Elias. His lips are thin. Jon wonders what would happen if he just… decked Elias, here and now. Probably Jon would break his fingers, knowing his luck. He's never learned to punch, never had cause to, and the evil god in his brain is not currently deigning to share the best technique. Elias's smile widens, ever so slightly. 'I just wanted to have a word about your paperwork backlog.'

'Given that I am currently prioritising research into the Unknowing-' says Jon, through teeth gritted strongly enough he gives himself a headache with only half a sentence.

'Of course, I do understand,' says Elias silkily, 'which is why, to provide the support you need to keep on top of your day job in addition to your… other responsibilities, I'm currently reviewing CVs to hire you some more Archival Assistants.'

Jon freezes. White hot fury mixes with icey burning terror in his gut in a swirling vortex. _He can't-_

But he can. Of course he can. And he will, if Jon doesn't-

'I'll get it done,' he snarls.

'Glad to hear it,' says Elias. 'Do let me know if you change your mind. I'm sure I can find it in the budget for another couple of assistants for you.'

'I won't.'

As he leaves, Elias says, 'All of it, Jon. Expenses, holidays, departmental budgets and equipment, and… anything _else_ HR requires.'

* * *

In his office, Jon slams and locks the door, and sinks to the floor, pulls his knees up and rests his head against them. His hair, pulled loose from its ties by relentless fidgeting, curtains out the rest of the world and he shuts his eyes.

Trapped.

They're all… trapped.

And if he doesn't-

If he can't-

He can't even give Martin _one nice thing_ without this place infecting it like a plague.

And now he's got to- because if he doesn't-

He's going to get someone else killed.

Time passes. 

There's a knock at the door behind him, then the handle wiggles. Since he locked himself in and then sat against the door, it doesn't move.

'Jon? I made tea?' It's Martin. Of course it's Martin. Jon doesn't want to see him. Jon wants to see him always.

'I'm fine,' says Jon.

There is a pause of an extremely dubious quality. 'Right, well, since firstly, I didn't even ask, actually, and secondly you sound like you're sitting on the floor next to the door, and thirdly, you did just barrel into your office after a management meeting and lock yourself in, I'm going to assume that one was a lie.' There is another pause. 'Look, if you- if you really don't want- I can just- just give you the tea and- and go, all right.'

Jon sighs. He scrubs his hand through his hair. He doesn't really know what Martin sees in him, but he does know Martin sounds a bit sad about the prospect that Jon might not want him there, and now Jon just feels like a dickhead.

'No, it's- fine, it's-' He sighs again, reaches up behind him to flip the lock, and shuffles over. 'Come in.'

The door opens, and Martin nearly trips over Jon.

'Oh, you're um.'

'Still on the floor, yes,' says Jon. He's not really ready to face his desk, even if he's extremely aware that for every moment that passes he's not doing the paperwork he needs to, risking someone else's life. 'Do you- want to...?' He trails off. Offering Martin the option to sit on the floor with him had sounded better in his head.

Martin, however, hands Jon his tea, shuts the office door, flips the lock, and sits down next to him. They drink in the quiet for a few minutes, their knees touching. It's a spot of warmth in an otherwise rotten chill that goes right to Jon's bones, and he leans into it unconsciously.

'Thank you,' he mutters at last.

'Any time,' says Martin, and he presses a code-of-conduct-breaking kiss to the top of Jon's head. Jon smiles to himself. 'Anything more, you know, substantial I can do to help?'

Jon eyes his desk malevolently. The paper fortress he's constructed over several years of simply never finishing his admin has always felt like a protective shield. Trust Elias to ruin it. At least Jane Prentiss's worms ate about nine months worth of backlog. If the receipts don't exist, he can't be forced to claim expenses for them, after all. He feels briefly envious of Jude Perry and her god. Right now being able to set things on fire to feed his god instead of reading bundles of dusty old paperwork is an option he envies. 

'I, it's- fine, Martin. Just Elias,' he says, turning to look at his boyfriend. He feels calmer, just for Martin's tea and company. Martin's eyes widen with worry all the same, which is probably reasonable. 'He didn't frame me for a crime this time,' adds Jon, in case that helps.

'Con…gratulations?' says Martin. He does not sound very congratulatory.

Jon laughs wearily and leans sideways to rest his head on Martin's shoulder.

Then the day and date occur to him.

'Oh, fuck,' he says.

'What?'

'Oh, god, Martin, I- I'm so sorry, I'm going to have to- shit- I'm going to need to reschedule our weekend,' he says. 'That absolute bastard. He knew. Of course he knew.'

'Obviously we know he's a bastard who planned… whatever this is,' says Martin reasonably, 'but why…? He's not got you working? Surely I can help with that? I mean, I do work here too. And I'm not having you going off by yourself and having who-knows-what happen again.' His voice has taken on a slightly brittle tone.

'Nothing quite so dramatic, for a change,' says Jon, gesturing at his desk. 'Just got to get the admin done. And given that we're not paid overtime, I don't think even I'm quite so horrible as to inflict that on you.'

Martin gives Jon's desk a grimace but nudges him with his elbow. 'Haul it back to your flat. Then I could come round to your place,' he says. 'Make you tea and sandwiches.'

Jon opens his mouth planning to object, he really does. He wants Martin to have a weekend off: no work, no looming threat of the end of the world, no statements, no _Elias_. Just something nice. Instead all he's got is this.

But he _wants_ Martin there. Wants him there so much it's all he can do not to grab hold of him and beg.

'It's not much of a date,' he mumbles at last.

'It's not the- Christ, I don't care, it's _you_ , Jon,' says Martin, and then immediately goes a violent shade of magenta.

'Oh,' says Jon, except it comes out all strangled. He fidgets with his collar. 'Ah. Good? You… too? I mean- That- I- I want- to- to see you, too.' 

Martin beams at him.

  


* * *

  


Magnus Institute  
---  
London  
VIGILO•OPPERIOR•AUDIO  
54a | Specific romantic liaison ("date") between two (2) coworkers within one (1) department  
INVOLVED PARTIES  
| Party 1 | Job title  
---|---  
Jonathan Sims | Head Archivist  
Party 2 | Job title  
Martin Blackwood | Archival Assistant  
DETAILS  
| DATE COMMENCED | TIME COMMENCED  
---|---  
28th July 2017 | 5.52pm  
DATE CONCLUDED | TIME CONCLUDED  
31st July 2017 | 8.02am  
LOCATION  
-Jon's flat  
-The park near Jon's flat  
-Sainsbury's Local  
ACTIVITIES ENGAGED IN  
-Work  
-Talking  
-Sleeping  
-Grocery shopping  
-Going for a walk  
-Laundry  
-Netflix  
-Tea-making :)  
  
ANY INSTITUTE DISCUSSION  
-The Unknowing came up  
-Elias's competence was discussed at length  
-Tim came up  
-Basira came up  
-Melanie came up  
-Sasha came up  
-Relative merits of working for Research vs working for the Library vs working for the Archives were discussed  
ANY CODE OF CONDUCT BREACHES TO REPORT  
1\. Everything we said about Elias  
2\. Doing expenses forms up to 5 years after the end of the fiscal year  
3\. Approving holiday for someone after they've passed  
4\. Dubious departmental budgeting  
5\. Doing paperwork while drinking alcohol  
6\. Getting curry on the paperwork  
  
7\. Frequently violating code of conduct item 5.2.6 while doing paperwork :)  
DECLARATION AND SIGNATURES  
| THE BELOW UNDERSIGNED PARTIES CERTIFY THAT THE INFORMATION PROVIDED IN THIS FORM AND ANY ATTACHED SUPPLEMENTAL DOCUMENTS ARE TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF THEIR KNOWLEDGE.   
---  
Party 1  
SIGNED AND DATED | Head of Department  
SIGNED AND DATED  
JS 31/07 | JS 31/07  
Party 2  
SIGNED AND DATED | Head of HR  
SIGNED AND DATED  
MBlackwood 31/7/2017 |   
If more than two parties are attending, use form 54b. If the parties involved are within multiple departments, use forms 54c-f. For misc romantic liasons use form 54g.  
  
  


* * *

  


The HR woman wrings her hands. Again.

'But- but- some of these forms were months- _years_ out of date,' she says. 'Finance have told me they can't pay expenses from five years ago!'

'So don't pay them,' says Jon without much interest. He's standing, hunting through his now much tidier desk until he uncovers the statement folder he wants with an 'Ah!' and picks it up. Then he slips it and his tape recorder under one arm, and picks up his half empty cup of lukewarm tea with the other and walks from his desk to his office door. The woman from HR follows him, still fluttering nervously.

'But we can't do _that_ -' she says. 'Jonathan, please can we-?'

'Martin!' 

Martin looks up. He'd been hunched over his computer screen. That can't be good for his back. Jon smiles at him all the same. Then remembers he's at work and in boss-mode.

'Please liaise with, ah… HR… about what they want,' says Jon. He makes a vague gesture for the HR woman to go and bother Martin and not him.

Martin's eyes narrow minutely before he turns a beatific smile on the interloper. 'Hi Natalie,' he says. 'I'd be _thrilled_ to help you out. What can I do for you?'

It is a tone of voice that says that unless Jon has a very good reason for this, there will be payback. It makes something inside of Jon go soft and coo.

Fortunately, for his future self, he does, in fact, have a very good reason.

He makes his way through the shelves and the stacks, each dimmer and dustier than the last. The murmuring of Martin and the HR woman - Natalie, apparently - quickly fade to nothingness behind the walls of boxes and papers. Finally he comes upon the trap door, and he sits himself down on the floor cross-legged, takes one last mouthful of tea, flips open the manila folder containing the statement, and presses play.

'Statement of Anya Villette, regarding a cleaning job on Hill Top Road. Original statement given April 22nd, 2009. Audio recording by Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, London. Statement begins.'

* * *

> _**5.2: Overall guidelines**  
>  5.2.8: Whilst the Institute aims to support its staff with flexible working arrangements, you should understand that, particularly if you are working in the same department as your partner(s), you may not be able to be out of the office at the same time, particularly at short notice. All requests for leave and flexi-time should be approved by your Head of Department using the appropriate procedures and documentation (see chapter 4 of this handbook)._

* * *

'So,' says Martin, 'your place or mine?' He gives an over-exaggerated wiggle of his eyebrows that is nonetheless belied by the wobbliness of his smile.

'It's half past two in the afternoon,' points out Jon, although he does manage a weary smile.

'And tomorrow you're going to drive to Great Yarmouth to- to-' Martin breaks off and swallows. 'I don't think you need to do anything other than get a good night's sleep.' His mouth sets in a firm line, his brows furrowing. 'We've all done our- done our recordings. We've got our plan. We don't- we don't need to be here Jon. Just- come home. Please.' His voice cracks, ever-so-slightly.

Jon looks down at his hands. His right is still stiff and pained and shaking, even now, months later, skin shiny and misshaped. His left is pock-marked. He doesn't look like someone who should be going on a mission to save the world. He doesn't look like someone that Martin ought to care about.

'I- all right,' he says at last. 

When he looks up, Martin looks surprised.

'Well you're not wrong,' he mumbles defensively. 'There's nothing to do here but sit around and brood. I might as well do that on your sofa. It's not like the others are likely to want to talk to me.' 

They make their way out of the Archives - and the Assistants' bullpen is predictably empty - and up the stairs.

'I don't think I'll have much time to do the paperwork for this particular date,' Jon says, as they go. 'Do you think Elias will let me off, or will I have to submit it after?' He's trying to joke, to ignore the rising lump in his throat. If he and the world survive for there to be paperwork to do, it'll be a treat. 

'Christ, Jon,' mutters Martin, telling him the lightness of his tone was perhaps not as successful as he'd hoped. Or perhaps Martin's thinking of Elias more specifically, but Jon hopes not. It's dangerous to dwell too much, even now. 'If you ask nicely, maybe I'll do it for you,' he adds at last.

'You don't have to-'

'I know, I know,' interrupts Martin. 'But I might need- tomorrow- while you're driving down there- I might need something to take my mind off-'

'Should have saved some expenses forms,' mutters Jon.

Martin snickers, although it's a bit half-hearted. 

It's almost a surprise to find the front desk occupied, Rosie engaged in gossip with someone Jon doesn't recognise. They're chatting away like it's a normal day doing a normal job. Not like the world might end this weekend. Jon feels extremely clandestine as he leaves the building, although Martin shamelessly waves and says goodbye to the two chatting, and then laughs more openly at Jon as they walk down the road.

'Have you _ever_ left work early before?' he asks, reaching to take Jon's hand.

'Have _you_?' demands Jon, since he's watched his Assistants' working habits over the years, and by now knows Martin is far from a slacker.

'Um. Three times,' says Martin. 'Shut up!' he adds, when Jon snorts.

'Three times in ten years,' says Jon. 'Look at you, Mr Rebellious over here.'

'Go on then,' says Martin. 'How many times have you left work early before today?'

'Once, actually,' says Jon, which, well, doesn't technically put him too far behind Martin. 'I broke my wrist falling off one of the ladders in the library and my manager made me go to hospital.'

Martin chokes and nearly trips over his feet. 'Oh my god that was _you_ ,' he says. He pauses. 'Wait, what am I talking about? Of course that was you. That was the biggest news of the week in the Library when it- wait, that doesn't count as _leaving early_ , Jon, I swear to- what- how- Oh my god. I meant have you ever, you know, skived off.'

'I'm skiving now, aren't I?' grumbles Jon. He gestures at himself. 'No broken bones.'

Martin snorts. 'Well I guess I'm just that special then,' he says, nudging Jon with an elbow.

'Yes,' says Jon. 'You are.' 

At that, Martin goes a stupendous shade of red and clamps his mouth shut, and Jon smiles, some tiny part of the tension inside him uncoiling just a little. Of all the abilities he's gained over the past couple of years, making Martin blush might be the only one that matters.

  


* * *

  


Magnus Institute  
---  
London  
VIGILO•OPPERIOR•AUDIO  
54a | Specific romantic liaison ("date") between two (2) coworkers within one (1) department  
INVOLVED PARTIES  
| Party 1 | Job title  
---|---  
Jonathan Sims | Head Archivist  
Party 2 | Job title  
Martin Blackwood | Archival Assistant  
DETAILS  
| DATE COMMENCED | TIME COMMENCED  
---|---  
Fri 4th Aug 17 | 2.30pm  
DATE CONCLUDED | TIME CONCLUDED  
Sat 5th Aug 17 | 11am  
LOCATION  
Martin's flat  
ACTIVITIES ENGAGED IN  
-Getting dinner  
-Resting & sleeping  
-Talking  
ANY INSTITUTE DISCUSSION  
-The Unknowing  
-Other Archival assistants (past and present)  
ANY CODE OF CONDUCT BREACHES TO REPORT  
None.  
(Jon - we're allowed to leave the office early. I checked the policy - just need dept manager approval :) )  
DECLARATION AND SIGNATURES  
| THE BELOW UNDERSIGNED PARTIES CERTIFY THAT THE INFORMATION PROVIDED IN THIS FORM AND ANY ATTACHED SUPPLEMENTAL DOCUMENTS ARE TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF THEIR KNOWLEDGE.   
---  
Party 1  
SIGNED AND DATED | Head of Department  
SIGNED AND DATED  
|   
Party 2  
SIGNED AND DATED | Head of HR  
SIGNED AND DATED  
MBlackwood 5/8/2017 |   
If more than two parties are attending, use form 54b. If the parties involved are within multiple departments, use forms 54c-f. For misc romantic liasons use form 54g.  
  
  


* * *

  


Martin's new office is big, and cold, and almost empty.

It has one chair, and a desk. There is a window, but up here on the top floor of the Institute, it's impossible to make out the individual features of anyone walking below. They're all just stick figures. They could be anyone. Besides, the window is all the way over there, and the desk is in the middle of the room. On that desk is a computer. In the desk drawers is a tape recorder, some pens, and a notepad. Everything else is kept behind closed doors. The office also has a lock on the door, and the walls are bare. 

Peter likes things tidy.

This is why Martin is surprised when he arrives for work one morning to find a folder on his desk.

On the folder is a post-it note.

The handwriting is Peter's.

> Martin - 
> 
> Just tidying up some loose ends with the paperwork left over from Elias's tenure. Please assist with the enclosed. It's not perfectly applicable, but it's the most suitable of the available options.
> 
> Peter

Martin opens the folder.

  


* * *

  


Magnus Institute  
---  
London  
VIGILO•OPPERIOR•AUDIO  
58k | Dissolution of romantic relationship between two (2) coworkers due to death (whilst in the services of the Magnus Institute) of one member  
INVOLVED PARTIES  
| Surviving Party | Job title  
---|---  
Martin Blackwood | Assistant to Peter Lukas  
Deceased Party | Job title  
J |   
DETAILS  
| DATE OF DEATH | TIME OF DEATH  
---|---  
|   
CAUSE OF DEATH  
BEREAVEMENT LEAVE TAKEN  
Please attach a death certificate and/or coroner's report. If neither are available due to the nature of the incident, please attach what supplementary documentation and proof is available.  
DECLARATION AND SIGNATURES  
| THE BELOW UNDERSIGNED PARTIES CERTIFY THAT THE INFORMATION PROVIDED IN THIS FORM AND ANY ATTACHED SUPPLEMENTAL DOCUMENTS ARE TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF THEIR KNOWLEDGE.   
---  
Surviving Party  
SIGNED AND DATED | Head of Department  
SIGNED AND DATED  
|   
Head of the Magnus Institute  
SIGNED AND DATED | Head of HR  
SIGNED AND DATED  
|   
If the death happened due to circumstances not related to work at the Magnus Institute, use form 58l. If more than 2 parties were involved in the relationship, please used forms 58m if the death related to work at the Magnus Institute and 58n if it did not.  
  
  


* * *

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forms needed if I ever write a sequel:
> 
>   * Form 59g: Resumption of previous 55a-m relationship after one party has murdered the colleague who was standing in the way of it (NB: all homicidal action must have line manager, HR and Head of the Magnus Institute approval prior to it being committed - please submit form 17a-j)
>   * Form 56m: Elopement in Scotland of two (2) coworkers within one (1) department
>   * Form 51q: Dispute raised against Head of the Magnus Institute for interrupting the honeymoon of two (2) coworkers within one (1) department
>   * Form 2a: Dispute raised against Head of the Magnus Institute for causing the apocalypse
>   * Form 17d: Request to murder the Head of the Magnus Institute
> 

> 
> Anyway, if you liked this, you might like my somewhat more cheerful in tone epistolary series, [The Magnus Institute vs the 21st Century](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1807057). I Will Populate This Fandom With Eldritch Bureaucracy If It’s The Last Thing I do.
> 
> Otherwise, I have written some TMA fic not based solely around bureaucratic shenanigans - [please do check it out if you fancy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinyopals/pseuds/shinyopals/works?fandom_id=11812534)!
> 
> Comments/kudos/recs/reblogs/etc are always appreciated. And please do come and [say hello on tumblr](https://shinyopals.tumblr.com/)!


	2. Version without handwriting fonts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to chapter 2, which is **the same fic but without the handwriting**. If you hate handwriting fonts then this is the chapter for you! Content warnings and A/N as per chapter 1 apply because it’s literally the same fic lol.

* * *

> # The Magnus Institute
> 
> ## Employee Handbook & Code of Conduct
> 
> ### 5\. Romantic relationships in the workplace
> 
> _**5.1: Introduction**  
>  The Institute recognises that in the course of their employment, colleagues may sometimes develop romantic feelings for each other and wish to pursue these feelings in a relationship. As this can be a positive experience, the Institute does not prohibit such attachments. However, there are certain unique pitfalls that can occur due to romantic attachments. The following chapter outlines the policies and procedures in place to minimise the risk to yourself, your fellow colleagues (both those you are romantically involved with and those you are not), and the Institute itself, in the event of your developing such feelings. Familiaring yourself with the below rules and guidelines will help you retain good working relationships with all your coworkers, as well as maintain your productivity._
> 
> _**5.2: Overall guidelines**  
>  5.2.1: Don't allow yourself to become distracted from your job due to romantic attachments. Your primary responsibility is to conduct your role to the best of your abilities. While working, you're expected to be focussed on the responsibilities of your job._

* * *

'That's lovely, Jon,' says Georgie distantly.

Jon stops talking, purses his lips together and waits.

Eventually Georgie looks up from her laptop, chewing her lip. 'Um,' she says.

'You just said that me permanently adopting the Admiral as the Archives cat and taking him to work with me was “lovely”,' says Jon. Then he frowns as he spots the wire dangling from her ear, previously obscured by her hair. 'Is that a- are you- are you listening to _music_ while we're talking?'

'No!' says Georgie. A beat. 'It's actually an audio recording from 1991 taken at the Dales Barn in Essex. You know, for the show. My job. Just like how you-' she points at his paperwork, spread out across the table, 'are doing your job.'

'I _am_ doing my job,' says Jon. He pats his papers vaguely and picks up his pen. Then he wiggles his laptop mouse, noticing that the screen has timed out.

'You remember when you invited yourself over because you don't have any furniture in your new flat and your office is closed - why is that by the way?'

Jon shrugs. 'Deep cleaning,' he says. The email from Artefact Storage demanding everyone evacuate immediately and not return for at least forty-eight hours had been unenlightening. Something just beneath his skin itches and twists with the need to _know_ , but another, bigger part of him is just relieved that the disaster of the week is Someone Else's Problem.

'Anyway, remember I specifically said I had a deadline to record tomorrow, and I needed to work,' says Georgie archly. 'And you said that was fine, because you also had a deadline, what with the world maybe ending. Is this conversation coming back to you?'

Jon cringes slightly. 'Ah, maybe,' he concedes.

'Does your plan to save the world involve you telling me at length about how pretty Martin is?' she asks.

'I- did- that is- It wasn't- I did _not_ -'

'I swear to God, Jon, if I have to listen to another half hour about how his cheeks go all _pink_ when you talk to him, or how is tea is _perfect_ , or how he _smiles_ , or how you two had a conversation yesterday which, by your own account, was the most inane conversation between two adult men in the history of-'

'Yes, yes, all right, all right, I'm working-' huffs Jon. He picks up his papers and shuffles them about. Martin does make perfect tea. He doesn't know why Georgie isn't being more understanding about this. Perhaps if she had a chance to taste it she'd get it, but he can't very well ask Martin to make Georgie some tea. Maybe if he brought a thermos to work...

'Just ask him out already,' mutters Georgie, rolling her eyes.

'I can't do that!' says Jon automatically.

'Why not?' says Georgie. 'He's gay, single, and blushes and stammers and smiles around you enough that _even you_ have noticed that he's into you.'

Embarrassed warmth coils through Jon's belly and he feels a sudden urge to hide underneath the table and giggle into his hands. He suppresses that urge violently. His grip on the folder he's holding tightens.

'Because- because none of that- it doesn't matter when the world might end,' he says.

Georgie's amusement vanishes and her smile is replaced by something much sadder. 'I don't know, Jon,' she says. 'Isn't that- isn't that a reason to just go for it anyway?'

Jon shrugs.

She nudges his arm with hers gently. 'Look, as much as I'd love to hear more about Martin's collection of jumpers - of which you have described seventeen so far, even before I stopped listening - I have to finish this. And you have to, you know-' she gestures vaguely at his work- 'save the world?'

'The Dales Barn Hauntings in the early nineties were caused by fourteen year olds Roger Blake, Samantha Holdings and Diana Dunston using a gerryrigged speaker system, a number of electromagnets, and the old fashioned wiring within the barn,' rattles off Jon, the knowledge bypassing his brain entirely and vomiting up through his vocal chords without his permission. 

Georgie puts down her pen. 'You know what,' she says, 'fuck your superpowers.'

'Ah. Quite.'

'And if you put any of that information in the comments, my next episode is going to be an expose of your feelings for Martin. Which I will send to him.'

'I would never!' says Jon. 'If I tried to debunk your podcast I'd be here for years.' He pauses. 'And you don't have any recordings of me talking about Martin.'

'Jon, trust me when I say it would really not be that hard to get them.'

* * *

> _**5.2: Overall guidelines**  
>  5.2.2: It is important to treat all of your colleagues equally and fairly at all times in the workplace, even when romantic attachments are involved. This holds especially true if you are a manager or decision maker. Section 5.4 of the handbook is dedicated towards ethical and fair treatment when you are in a position of authority and should be read by all involved._

* * *

Tim is in the kitchen, making himself tea.

If Jon had been prepared for that, he would not have made a garbled, panicked noise on seeing him, and thus would have been able to sneak off, unnoticed. As it is, he is not prepared, and he does make that noise, and Tim turns, sees who it is, and stiffens immediately. 

Jon should be used to the way Tim's eyes narrow in resentment by now, should be used to the reminder that he's not welcome. It still feels like a twist of the knife.

'I can-' he starts to say, leaning backwards, about to turn and run.

'I was just leaving,' says Tim, every word sounding like an accusation. He picks up his mug.

Jon half skips a couple of steps inside the kitchen to avoid the crush of two bodies together in the door, avoid bringing himself any closer to Tim than he has to. He clutches his hands together and hunches his shoulders slightly, glancing out from under hair that hangs down over his ears as he watches Tim cross the room and approach the door.

It's only when Tim is at the doorframe that Jon speaks.

'Tim, I- could I- ask- no- I would like- to hear your- your opinion, on something,' he says.

'What,' says Tim, voice flat and hard. He doesn't turn back.

The thing is, it's not just the Unknowing looming heavy in Jon's mind. It's the things he can't tell Georgie. 

_I must stoically hold myself back from relationships and save the world,_ makes him sound like a superhero.

 _Everyone is trapped with me. I don't think I'm human any more,_ does not.

Tim, Melanie, Basira- and he's thinking of trying to pursue _happiness_. Now, of all times. It's… absurd. It's not fair to them. But maybe if Martin wants, like Jon thinks maybe he does, then maybe it's not fair to _him_ to not at least give him the choice-

Jon shakes his head and rubs his eyes.

'Is there-' He breaks off, bites down on his tongue hard, a reminder, _no_ , no questions, can't risk it. 'If you know of something I can do, for you, or for the others, to- to help-'

Tim's single 'Ha!' is bitter almost beyond all recognition. 'Oh, I think you've done enough, _Boss_ ,' he says. 'And now you've trapped us all in a basement with a monster. I'd say it couldn't get any worse, but I'm sure you'll find a way.'

'Right,' says Jon faintly. 'Thanks.'

That makes Tim do a double-take, but then he scoffs and strides off.

It's just, well, Tim's right. Jon probably will make things worse. There is no escape, not for any of them. They're probably going to die trapped in this basement, or the corridors below it, and if they're lucky they'll be remembered and loved by someone. There's nothing he can do about any of that _except_ make it worse. 

It's just hard to see how asking Martin if maybe he'd like to go for drinks will make the tiniest bit of difference, when it's laid out like that.

* * *

> _**5.2: Overall guidelines**  
>  5.2.3: Given the risks involved in a romantic relationship between colleagues, if you develop such feelings for someone you must go into any such endeavours open to rejection and willing to work with the person(s) who have rejected you after the event. You are permitted to hold one (1) conversation about the subject with the object of your affection. If they do not reciprocate, the matter should not be discussed again._

* * *

'Right. Um. Hello. Martin. Thank you. For coming. To this meeting.'

Martin's wearing the blue jumper with the sunflower pattern around the bottom of it. Jon can't remember if he's told Georgie about this one. It's a very nice jumper. 

'Oh, and thank you for the tea!' he adds urgently. 'It's good!'

Martin sits down across from Jon and fidgets with the sleeve of his jumper. He has nice hands. They're bigger than Jon's, and they look like they'd be lovely to hold, or- 

Jon forces his brain to stop. 

It would be best, he thinks, to be in control of his thoughts for this conversation.

'You haven't, um, tasted it yet,' says Martin, with a nervous laugh. 'It might be rubbish.'

'What? Oh. No. All your tea is good,' says Jon, the words bypassing his brain entirely. 

Martin goes pink and it's adorable, so maybe Jon should be grateful for his lack of brain.

'Oh,' says Martin at last. His voice has gone all surprised. Jon thinks he sounds pleased. He _hopes_ he sounds pleased. Jon knows he's _fairly_ oblivious when it comes to matters of the heart, and there is a chance he's just been reading what he wants to see into Martin's nervousness, and actually Martin just thinks he's a prick and can't wait to be away from him. Except it doesn't feel like that, not really. 

And, well, there have been one or two things said on the tapes. 

By Martin.

And Basira. 

And Melanie.

So maybe Jon's wrong, but he doesn't think he is, and perhaps it's better to _know_.

'So, um, meeting,' says Martin at last, filling the silence that's fallen. 'If this is about the Rochdale research then you should know I'm-'

'It's not about that,' interrupts Jon. He scoots forward in his chair, leans in slightly and grabs his tea. Then he picks it up and takes a sip and then smiles to himself. It is, in fact, perfect tea. Of course. 'It's about. Ah. Well.' 

He glances swiftly at Martin, sees nothing other than bafflement, and then looks down to inspect his tea. It's in the mug with the cat on it. He doesn't even remember telling Martin he likes cats, but he must have done, because around a year ago, his tea started arriving in the cat mug. He traces his right index finger around the rim, and if it shakes it's because of the burn. His left hand he cups about the mug for warmth, so it doesn't shake at all.

'I've noticed, that, ah, maybe, you- you don't, ah, hate me,' he says at last.

There is a lengthy silence.

'Um,' says Martin at last. 'No I- I don't- I don't hate you? Is that a- a- problem?'

Jon blinks and looks up from his tea. 'What-? No- why- why would that be a problem?'

'Well I don't know! You were the one who put an ominous meeting in my calendar and then opened with that!' says Martin, his voice rising a little.

'It's not- how is- this meeting isn't _ominous_ ,' says Jon.

'Oh, I'm sorry, but if your boss puts a meeting in that's literally just titled “meeting” with no other context that would be ominous in a normal job, all right, let alone this one,' says Martin. His voice has gone a bit high-pitched now, in that way that means he's a bit annoyed. Jon could listen to it all day. 'Especially if it's the day after you've jimmied the lock on your desk drawers because you've lost your keys and you're running late on some research for a couple of statements, and-'

'All right, firstly,' cuts off Jon, extremely happy to argue back, 'I think we're a bit beyond broken desk drawers at this point. Just tell Admin a ghost broke them if they give any trouble about replacing them. Secondly, you're not that late. Thirdly, yes, if my boss put a meeting of any sort whatsoever in with me it would be ominous because he is _at absolute minimum_ a double-murderer, and he framed me for one of those murders.'

'I'm just saying, no context meetings are ominous!' argues Martin, flapping his hands. 'You could have put an agenda in the invite! Or explained what it was about in an email! That's what you're supposed to do if you don't want it to seem bad!'

'Oh yes,' snarks Jon, 'item one: ascertain it Martin doesn't hate me. Item two: ascertain it maybe that means Martin likes me. Item three, dependent on answers to previous, invite Martin out on a-' _fuck_ '- Er.' _In for a penny._ 'Date? Maybe? Um. Right. Sorry.'

Martin's eyes have gone as big and round as saucers.

'What?' he says. Or at least, that's what Jon thinks he says. It comes out a bit garbled.

'If- if you want,' he mumbles. His heart is thumping in his chest. He looks at his tea again. It's a lot easier than looking at Martin. He hopes this isn't the last cup of tea Martin will ever bring him.

'If… _I_ want?' says Martin faintly.

'Even if- if you don't- hate me- there are probably a lot of reasons why it would be a bad idea,' says Jon weakly, hoping Martin will take this out rather than a more crushing alternative. 'So if- if you'd rather not I certainly won't- won't bring it up again.' It's not like he leaves his office much, these days. Not when the others are around, anyway. It won't be difficult to avoid Martin if Martin wants him too.

' _You_ want to go on a date with _me_ ,' says Martin.

It's only at this point that Jon notices the odd inflection and the stunned disbelief. He frowns as he risks a glance at Martin, who is still staring at him, wide-eyed.

'Yes?' he says. 'Isn't it obvious?'

Martin makes a wounded noise. ' _No_!' he says. 'I mean- I- You- How- When- Why- What-' He's getting flustered now, deep pink rising in his cheeks. 'Oh,' he says at last. 'Um. Yes? I would like. That.' His blush somehow deepens. 'To go on a date, I mean. If you want?' 

'Yes,' says Jon, immediately. 'Ah. Quite a lot. It turns out.' His heart is still thumping at a thousand miles an hour but the sudden rush of relief makes him think he's finished a marathon. The sensation that floods through him is momentarily confusing and unfamiliar, and he briefly wonders if he's caught on fire, before he realises it's an extremely pleasant one. He thinks he's smiling. He doesn't have a reason to do that often these days, but it's impossible not to, what with Martin… there. Just there. Not running screaming out of the room like he ought to, if he had any sense. Staying and blushing and staring at Jon, a smile beginning to dawn on his face too, as if Jon is someone worth staying and blushing and smiling over.

They grin giddily at each other for a time, and it's a lovely place to be. Jon thinks he could live here, for a while, just basking in Martin's sunshine.

Eventually, Martin speaks. 'So, um, did you, have anything in particular mind for our, um, _date_?' he says, his voice wobbling a bit over the last word. Then he bites his lip and he's still smiling and Jon is momentarily extremely distracted before reality intervenes.

'Oh. Um. I didn't- didn't actually think I'd get this far? If I'm honest.'

'You thought I'd say _no_?' Martin's incredulity is obvious and does nothing to make Jon feel less warm.

'Ah. I didn't- I didn't want to assume,' he says. 'But it- it was as much about, well, actually doing the asking.' He looks down at his rapidly cooling tea. He thinks he could heat it to boiling just from the heat of his face if he wanted to. At least it turns out bickering is good for something, after all. 'If it's not too unoriginal, we could just- we could get dinner?'

'That'd be nice,' says Martin. When Jon looks up, his smile has softened, in a way that makes Jon want to melt into a puddle of goo on the floor.

* * *

> _**5.2: Overall guidelines**  
>  5.2.4: In order to minimise awkwardness, you are required to notify your line manager prior to actively pursuing any romantic liaison. _
> 
> _5.2.5: If you and one or more coworkers wish to go on a date, you must fill in form 54 (a-g, depending on circumstances, see appendix 5C) and submit to your head of department within 5 working days of your date. Your head of department will file the form with HR._

* * *

They pick a Thai restaurant that's mutually convenient for Martin's flat and the Institute.

Since they both have smartphones this absolutely doesn't necessitate Martin wheeling his chair around Jon's desk to look up restaurants together online. Jon summons him around anyway, and feels extremely clever about it when their arms bump against each other as they look through the options. Then, when they've settled on the place, he glances at Martin and finds Martin looking at him and suddenly they're back to grinning at each other again.

'So, um, when did you want-?' says Martin.

'I'm free tonight,' says Jon. He can see his towering in-tray out of the corner of his eye. 'Later tonight,' he amends guiltily. 'Or any night this week. Ah. If you don't mind it being. Um. Late. On Saturdays I usually finish work at seven if you'd rather earlier!' He's immediately aware he's already falling at the first hurdle, and anyone with sense would run quickly away.

'Leave here eight-thirty tonight. Book for nine?' suggests Martin. His voice is surprisingly steady all of a sudden.

It's earlier than Jon would usually stop working and remember to eat. It's later - probably - than Martin would like. And Jon can always come back to the Institute and finish up afterwards.

'That's, ah, good, yes, sounds perfect,' he says. 

Martin nudges his arm minutely. 'I'll bring some tea and biscuits at five,' he says. 'Tide us over.'

'Martin,' says Jon, stupidly grateful.

'Oh,' says Martin suddenly, looking down, his cheeks awash with colour again. Jon realises he's grabbed Martin's jumper sleeve, quite without permission.

'Sorry, I- I- should have asked-' he says, dropping it.

'No! It's fine! You just- surprised me, that's all,' says Martin.

Jon does not grab Martin's jumper again, although he wants to. Well, he wants to take Martin's hand, but he knows if he does that - assuming Martin is open to it - then Jon will be absolutely no use for the rest of the afternoon. It's debatable whether he will be anyway. He'll have to find a statement filled with spiders to get back into the mood, especially if he's got to wrap things up by half past eight. 

'There is, ah, one last thing I should probably talk to you about,' he says.

Martin frowns slightly. 'OK...' he says slowly. 'We're back to ominous, now, are we?'

'Well,' says Jon, and he gestures at their surroundings. 'But, I've been reading the- the employee handbook-'

'You've been _what_?'

'-And it has a section about romantic, er, entanglements between employees-'

'Oh my god, Jon-'

'And, the, ah, policy is that I'm meant to ask my manager before, um, asking anyone out, and then there's a- a- form to fill in after any date actually happens.'

'You did _not_ actually talk to Elias about this?' demands Martin.

'No. Good god no,' says Jon. 'Good lord. Can you imagine that meeting? No I- well, I've just been thinking about doing this, ah, quite a lot for, well, some time now. So I assume our mind-reading boss probably, well, knows about it.' He gives a slight shrug and quirks an eyebrow. 'I think that's within the spirit of the policy, if not the letter.'

Martin stares at him for a few moments. 'I… don't quite know how to feel about that,' he says at last. Then: ' _How long_ have you been thinking about this?'

'If perhaps we could return to the matter of the form,' says Jon hurriedly, because Martin's starting to smile again and Jon's office is feeling warmer by the second.

'You're seriously going to do paperwork?' says Martin. He looks at Jon's desk, which is a towering monument to paperwork, both his own and other people's. Much of it has not been completed. 'I'm pretty sure I saw an unfinished expenses form from 2012 in here the other day, Jon,' he adds dubiously. 'Train ride to Exeter, Junior Researcher. That's at least a hundred quid this place owes you because you don't do paperwork. And you've never signed off any of my leave forms. Ever.'

'Yes, yes, yes,' scowls Jon, waving his hand. 'I've been busy. Besides, you still took your leave. I just didn't submit the bloody documentation to HR.'

'Well can't we-? I mean- Look, um, it's not like we're going to get fired if we don't,' points out Martin. 'And I'm not sure how I feel about this place… having forms about us… going out.'

Jon lets out a breath and nods. 'Yes, I- know, I don't really-' He shakes his head and lets out a bitter laugh. 'I don't think it makes much difference, but it's-' He swallows. 'I don't want- I don't want Elias to turn his attention to you, any more than he has already. And if that means, well, filling in a few forms-' He shrugs.

Martin huffs out a small breath. 'I- I suppose,' he says. 'But are you going to have to- is he going to have to sign the things?'

'Oh, well, actually,' Jon pauses and grins, 'the policy says the Head of Department has to sign off on paperwork relating to two people within the same department getting involved in- getting involved.'

A pause. Martin blinks. 'The Head of Department being… you,' he says at last.

'Yes,' says Jon.

Martin snorts. 'I've literally never heard you sound so self-satisfied before,' he says. 'All right, fine. But you're not delegating it all to me.'

'I wouldn't!' says Jon, who probably would, if Martin let him get away with it.

'Evil God of Invading Privacy. I suppose it's to be expected, isn't it?' mutters Martin. He shakes his head and then leans forward, making to move. 'I, um, well, back to work?'

'Yes, I- probably-' says Jon, taking in the piles that are his desk. 'Until tonight?'

Martin's smile as he stands up is a shy and beautiful thing. 'Do you, um, want me to make the reservation?' he asks.

It's the temptingly easy option, given all he's got to do.

'No,' says Jon brusquely. 'I asked. I'm taking you out on a date, Martin, not the other way around.' He's going to pay, too, he's decided, but bringing it up now seems a little gauche. 

'Oh, um, OK,' says Martin, flushing a deeper red, making it well worth the inevitable awkwardness of having to actually phone a restaurant. 'I'll... see you later then!' He gives a little wave as he goes, and Jon smiles after him.

Ten minutes later he shakes himself out of it and phones the restaurant.

  


* * *

  


Magnus Institute  
---  
London  
VIGILO•OPPERIOR•AUDIO  
54a | Specific romantic liaison ("date") between two (2) coworkers within one (1) department  
INVOLVED PARTIES  
| Party 1 | Job title  
---|---  
Jonathan Sims | Head Archivist  
Party 2 | Job title  
Martin Blackwood | Archival Assistant  
DETAILS  
| DATE COMMENCED | TIME COMMENCED  
---|---  
11th July 2017 | 8.34pm  
DATE CONCLUDED | TIME CONCLUDED  
12th July 2017 | 1.43am  
LOCATION  
-Bangkok Thai  
-King's Arms  
-Vauxhall Park  
ACTIVITIES ENGAGED IN  
-Eating  
-Talking  
-Walking  
ANY INSTITUTE DISCUSSION  
-Discussion of how to ensure mood in the Archives doesn't get worse if we're going to do this  
-Discussion of whether dating in the run up to the possible end of the world is wise  
ANY CODE OF CONDUCT BREACHES TO REPORT  
1\. JS called Elias an "incontrovertible dickhead" at one point  
2\. MB's giggle in response arguably made him complicit  
DECLARATION AND SIGNATURES  
| THE BELOW UNDERSIGNED PARTIES CERTIFY THAT THE INFORMATION PROVIDED IN THIS FORM AND ANY ATTACHED SUPPLEMENTAL DOCUMENTS ARE TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF THEIR KNOWLEDGE.   
---  
Party 1  
SIGNED AND DATED | Head of Department  
SIGNED AND DATED  
Jonathan Sims 12/07 | Jonathan Sims 12/07  
Party 2  
SIGNED AND DATED | Head of HR  
SIGNED AND DATED  
MBlackwood 12/7/2017 |   
If more than two parties are attending, use form 54b. If the parties involved are within multiple departments, use forms 54c-f. For misc romantic liasons use form 54g.  
  
  


* * *

  


'Last item on the agenda,' says Elias smoothly, running an unhurried hand down his notes as if this departmental manager meeting hasn't already overrun by seventy-six minutes. 

Jon, who has been reading his emails on his phone for the last two hours - specifically the email from Martin with the results of his research that contains three happy-face emojis, asks him if he's free that evening, and signs off with 'xxx' in a deeply unprofessional way (so unprofessional that Jon has read it forty times already and has had to repeatedly bite his lip to stop himself from smiling at it) - feels something like dread begin to coil in his stomach. He sinks into his chair and stares determinedly at his notebook.

'Ah, yes,' says the Head of HR. They pick up their own notepad and scan down it. 'I believe we've had a form 54c from, uh, Cassie in the Library. She's planning to ask out Deanna Winters, in Research - but Diana I think you wanted to raise this as a discussion point.'

'Right, yes,' says the Head Librarian. 'I'm concerned about Cassie's performance. 'I think she'll be too easily distracted from her work and dating one of her colleagues won't help.'

'Well that's certainly a valid reason to deny the relationship,' puts in Elias. He's probably smirking. Jon is avoiding looking up to verify. 'After all, our primary purpose here is to research, _not_ to get distracted by interpersonal issues.'

'Happy to leave it at your discretion, Diana,' says the Head of Research. 

_Christ_ , thinks Jon miserably. 

'Are there any other forms submitted?' asks Elias. 'Anything, perhaps, from the Archives?'

Jon feels eyes on him. He forces himself not to squirm, to keep his face bland as he looks up and stares down Elias. He should, of course, file the form properly. He wants to keep Martin safe. He wants to- to- 

But Elias _is_ smirking, and it's revolting.

'I'm… slightly behind on my paperwork,' he says at last, throat dry.

  


* * *

  


Magnus Institute  
---  
London  
VIGILO•OPPERIOR•AUDIO  
54a | Specific romantic liaison ("date") between two (2) coworkers within one (1) department  
INVOLVED PARTIES  
| Party 1 | Job title  
---|---  
Jonathan Sims | Head Archivist  
Party 2 | Job title  
Martin Blackwood | Archival Assistant  
DETAILS  
| DATE COMMENCED | TIME COMMENCED  
---|---  
13th July 2017 | 8.22pm  
DATE CONCLUDED | TIME CONCLUDED  
14th July 2017 | 3.05am  
LOCATION  
-The Fox & Hound  
-Battersea Park  
-Martin's flat  
ACTIVITIES ENGAGED IN  
-Eating  
-Talking  
-Walking  
-Netflix (w/ very nice blanket)  
ANY INSTITUTE DISCUSSION  
-Discussion around falling behind in one's paperwork and possible consequences thereof  
ANY CODE OF CONDUCT BREACHES TO REPORT  
1\. JS called all of the department managers "arseholes". If it's a mitigating point, I included myself in that.  
2\. MB agreed with somewhat unnecessary alacrity given the self-inclusion  
DECLARATION AND SIGNATURES  
| THE BELOW UNDERSIGNED PARTIES CERTIFY THAT THE INFORMATION PROVIDED IN THIS FORM AND ANY ATTACHED SUPPLEMENTAL DOCUMENTS ARE TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF THEIR KNOWLEDGE.   
---  
Party 1  
SIGNED AND DATED | Head of Department  
SIGNED AND DATED  
Jonathan Sims 14/07 | Jonathan Sims 14/07  
Party 2  
SIGNED AND DATED | Head of HR  
SIGNED AND DATED  
MBlackwood 14/7/2017 |   
If more than two parties are attending, use form 54b. If the parties involved are within multiple departments, use forms 54c-f. For misc romantic liasons use form 54g.  
  
  


* * *

  


> _**5.2: Overall guidelines**  
>  5.2.6: Displays of affection are banned while working, on the Institute premises, and whilst on Institute business. These include, but are not limited to: terms of endearment; behaviour that might be construed as “flirting”; sending affectionate or explicit emails or text messages; kissing; hugging; holding hands; and engaging in sexual or romantic contact._

* * *

Jon's eyes are shut.

He was extremely correct. Martin's hands are very nice. Especially when they're touching him.

'Good lord, Martin, this should be illegal,' he mutters.

He hears Martin let out a huff of a laugh. 'Well…' says Martin.

Jon cracks an eye and half turns to look up at Martin with a questioning eye, jostling the hands which are currently giving him a shoulder massage. He'd made a couple of pained faces after long days worked and somehow Martin had talked him into this like it was a favour for _Martin_. Jon is already boneless and brainless and he makes a vague questioning murmur.

'You're not the only one who can read the Employee Code of Conduct,' says Martin, although his eyes are mischievous.

'I'll be sure to complain to your manager,' mutters Jon, which gets him a gentle prod in the upper arm.

Then Martin runs that hand up Jon's shoulder and through his hair, nails lightly scraping his scalp, and Jon lets out a deeply mortifying noise that he thinks must be about three octaves above his usual. Martin, obviously, seems to take this as permission to do it again, as if Jon making awful squeaky noises is somehow a desirable trait. Jon isn't going to get _anything_ done that afternoon, and in that moment he can't convince himself to care. 

'Jon, um, can I- I mean- if you want- I'd quite like- if it's not- maybe-'

Jon opens his eyes fully now to see Martin has gone a lovely shade of pink. He's gorgeous.

'Can I kiss you?' Jon asks, before remembering that _he's at work_ , before remembering that his job is terrible and he can't be fired and therefore it doesn't really matter, before remembering that his boss is a murdering monster so maybe it does, before remembering that they've already decided to risk it all for a chance of some happiness so he might as well go for it.

Martin's face does a number of complicated things, and he makes a high-pitched noise which Jon treasures.

'I was going to ask you!' he says at last, slightly petulant. 

Jon stands up and reaches up to touch one hand to Martin's still-pink cheek. It's warm and round and soft and Martin leans into his hand.

'There's probably a form for this,' Jon jokes.

There's definitely a form for this, but he's suddenly shakily impatient in a way that's mirrored in Martin's eyes.

  


* * *

  


Magnus Institute  
---  
London  
VIGILO•OPPERIOR•AUDIO  
54a | Specific romantic liaison ("date") between two (2) coworkers within one (1) department  
INVOLVED PARTIES  
| Party 1 | Job title  
---|---  
Jonathan Sims | Head Archivist  
Party 2 | Job title  
Martin Blackwood | Archival Assistant  
DETAILS  
| DATE COMMENCED | TIME COMMENCED  
---|---  
18th July 2017 | 7.08pm  
DATE CONCLUDED | TIME CONCLUDED  
19th July 2017 | 8.15am  
LOCATION  
Jon's flat  
ACTIVITIES ENGAGED IN  
-Cooking/eating dinner  
(which was lovely!)  
(thank you!)  
-Several important conversations regarding boundaries/relationship status  
-Scrabble  
-Netflix  
-Sleeping  
ANY INSTITUTE DISCUSSION  
-The Unknowing was discussed at some length  
ANY CODE OF CONDUCT BREACHES TO REPORT  
N/A  
Jon cheated at scrabble! >:(  
This is libel!  
DECLARATION AND SIGNATURES  
| THE BELOW UNDERSIGNED PARTIES CERTIFY THAT THE INFORMATION PROVIDED IN THIS FORM AND ANY ATTACHED SUPPLEMENTAL DOCUMENTS ARE TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF THEIR KNOWLEDGE.   
---  
Party 1  
SIGNED AND DATED | Head of Department  
SIGNED AND DATED  
Cannot possibly sign given lies about my Scrabble prowess above | Jonathan Sims 19/07  
Party 2  
SIGNED AND DATED | Head of HR  
SIGNED AND DATED  
MBlackwood :) 19/7/2017 |   
If more than two parties are attending, use form 54b. If the parties involved are within multiple departments, use forms 54c-f. For misc romantic liasons use form 54g.  
  
  


* * *

  


Magnus Institute  
---  
London  
VIGILO•OPPERIOR•AUDIO  
55a | Notice of exclusive romantic relationship between two (2) coworkers within one (1) department  
INVOLVED PARTIES  
| Party 1 | Job title  
---|---  
Jonathan Sims | Head Archivist  
Party 2 | Job title  
Martin Blackwood | Archival Assistant  
DETAILS  
| DATE RELATIONSHIP COMMENCED | TIME RELATIONSHIP COMMENCED  
---|---  
18th July 2017 | 9pm  
ANY CONFLICTS OF INTEREST TO DECLARE  
1\. JS is MB's manager  
2\. JS isn't entirely human  
3\. Neither JS nor MB can be fired  
4\. Neither can anybody else who works with us  
5\. MB once shoplifted some eyeliner so is basically a criminal! :-O  
6\. MB may not be taking this paperwork entirely seriously  
(7. JS used to photocopy his uni textbooks and sell the copies at cost so has similar criminal tendencies)  
:-O :-O :-O  
PLANS TO MITIGATE CONFLICTS OF INTEREST  
We're mostly focussing on not dying in the immediate future.  
ANY CONCERNS RAISED BY YOUR MANAGER(S) OR HEAD OF DEPARTMENT  
My manager believes this is a positive step for my personal development :)  
Head of Department has signed off on this without concern.  
PREFERRED TERMINOLOGY TO DESCRIBE RELATIONSHIP  
Boyfriends/partners  
PLANNED REVIEW DATE OF CONCERNS/CONFLICTS OF INTERESTS WITH DEPARTMENT HEAD | TIME OF REVIEW  
18th January 2018 | 10.30am  
DECLARATION AND SIGNATURES  
| THE BELOW UNDERSIGNED PARTIES CERTIFY THAT THE INFORMATION PROVIDED IN THIS FORM AND ANY ATTACHED SUPPLEMENTAL DOCUMENTS ARE TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF THEIR KNOWLEDGE.   
---  
Party 1  
SIGNED AND DATED | Head of Department  
SIGNED AND DATED  
Jon Sims x 19/07 | Jon Sims 19/07  
Party 2  
SIGNED AND DATED | Head of HR  
SIGNED AND DATED  
MBlackwood <3 19/7/2017 |   
If more than two parties are involved in an exclusive relationship, use form 55b. If two parties are involved in a non-exclusive relationship, use form 55c. If more than two parties are involved in a non-exclusive relationship, use form 55d. If the parties involved are within multiple departments, use forms 55e-l. For misc romantic relationships use form 55m.  
  
  


* * *

  


'What do you think, Jon?'

The voice rouses him from murky, tangled thoughts about circuses and he squints around at Elias and the other departmental managers.

'Er,' he says. He thinks - quite strongly - that given the looming end of the world, he would be better off in the Archives, looking for relevant information about the Stranger. Or perhaps in Martin's arms, warding off the horror with warmth. Instead he's in the conference room, in another bloody management meeting.

The Head of HR levels an unimpressed stare at him and clears their throat before reiterating what he missed. 'Celia in payroll and Andy in Research submitted a form 55e two years ago,' they say. 'This week, Celia has submitted a form 54a regarding a romantic entanglement with Stephen in Artefact Storage. Given that neither she nor Andy have submitted a form 58 dissolving the relationship, nor a modification of the original 55 or a 57 to open it up, do we, as managers, have an ethical duty to Andy to inform of the infidelity?'

Jon stares around the table, but everyone else seems implacable.

'I… have to go,' he says, scrambling to his feet and grabbing his things. His right hand still twinges as he moves too quickly, but he ignores it as the air in the room is stuffy and he feels suddenly nauseous. 'I have… another meeting.'

'One more thing, Jon,' says Elias, voice light, eyes like drill bits. 'I think there might be some overdue paperwork from the Archives.'

Jon nearly stumbles, but stops himself. 'I'll check my desk!' he calls over his shoulder as he all but runs.

  


* * *

  


Magnus Institute  
---  
London  
VIGILO•OPPERIOR•AUDIO  
54a | Specific romantic liaison ("date") between two (2) coworkers within one (1) department  
INVOLVED PARTIES  
| Party 1 | Job title  
---|---  
Jonathan Sims | Head Archivist  
Party 2 | Job title  
Martin Blackwood | Archival Assistant  
DETAILS  
| DATE COMMENCED | TIME COMMENCED  
---|---  
21st July 2017 | 6.02pm  
DATE CONCLUDED | TIME CONCLUDED  
22nd July 2017 | 2.30pm  
LOCATION  
-Regent's Park Open Air Theatre  
-A burger stand  
-An ice cream van  
-The canal footpath  
-My flat  
-Mrs Tiddles' Cat Cafe  
-Hampstead Heath  
ACTIVITIES ENGAGED IN  
-Watching a play that was significantly better than poetry  
Bite me :)  
-Eating  
-Talking  
-Walking  
-Netflix  
-Sleeping :)  
-Petting cats  
SO MUCH petting cats. I'm surprised they didn't have to kick you out.  
ANY INSTITUTE DISCUSSION  
-The Unknowing came up  
-Tim came up  
-Sasha came up  
ANY CODE OF CONDUCT BREACHES TO REPORT  
MB took a number of photographs of JS and then refused to delete them  
You holding the grey kitten is going to be my lockscreen forever <3  
That kitten's name was Mr Grey. We don't have to like the choice, but we have to respect it.  
DECLARATION AND SIGNATURES  
| THE BELOW UNDERSIGNED PARTIES CERTIFY THAT THE INFORMATION PROVIDED IN THIS FORM AND ANY ATTACHED SUPPLEMENTAL DOCUMENTS ARE TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF THEIR KNOWLEDGE.   
---  
Party 1  
SIGNED AND DATED | Head of Department  
SIGNED AND DATED  
JS x 24/07 | Jon Sims 24/07  
Party 2  
SIGNED AND DATED | Head of HR  
SIGNED AND DATED  
MBlackwood 24/7/2017 |   
If more than two parties are attending, use form 54b. If the parties involved are within multiple departments, use forms 54c-f. For misc romantic liasons use form 54g.  
  
  


* * *

  


> _**5.2: Overall guidelines**  
>  5.2.7: Given the potentially fraught nature of employee relationships, section 5.3 of this handbook is dedicated to how to raise, handle and resolve disputes that arise as a result of relationships within the workplace. The specific forms and documentation required are detailed in that section, as are the exact routes of escalation, but generally you should talk to your manager and then escalate to their manager if there are any further issues. The HR department is always available as a point of contact for assistance if required._

* * *

The lights are bright and Jon's head aches and he's already been working for twelve hours. Martin is keeping him steadier - making him sleep more than he might otherwise have done and giving him a reason to leave the Institute - but on days when they're not going on a date, he's still got to work. He slept at his desk last night. He's half hoping Martin will bully him back to Stockwell tonight and coddle him. He's half hoping Martin won't, so he can get on with what he needs to do.

Martin's here now, in his office, and they're bent over a couple of statements - one from 1991 and one from 1978 - trying to make the details fit together, as though that'll somehow give them the key to saving the world.

A knock at Jon's office door makes both of them jolt upright, before Jon calls out and Basira enters. She's carrying a book and a couple of files.

'So I've found some references to a circus in this-' As she walks forward, she looks up at them. In doing so, she breaks off and wrinkles her nose. ' _Really_? At _work_?'

Jon follows her gaze to where his and Martin's hands are joined. He'd quite forgotten.

He feels his face heat up as he drops Martin's hand, and Martin withdraws from him, moving his chair back by a few inches.

'Right, ah, sorry, we- I- forgot,' says Jon. A sneaky kiss or a bit of a cuddle when it's just him and Martin in his office behind a locked door is one thing. Anything in front of the others is quite another.

Basira, however, just rolls her eyes. 'Whatever,' she says. 'Could be worse.' She grabs a spare chair and pulls it up to the desk where she dumps what she's brought.

'That doesn't mean it's OK to- to- make you uncomfortable,' says Jon.

'I said it's fine, Jon,' she says. 'It's just holding hands. Besides, who am I going to complain to, my manager?'

Jon winces. 'Technically I am the, ah, correct point of escalation as a first port of call,' he admits.

'First?' says Basira, sitting back. Her lip's quirking ever so slightly.

'If you're unhappy with my response you can, of course, reach out to Elias,' Jon says. 'Or the HR department. Forms 51a through to x cover complaints.' He reaches into his desk and pulls out a manila folder where he has copies of all of those forms and offers it to Basira.

She stares at him.

Martin also stares at him.

'Wow, um, OK, did you actually get a copy of all the complaint paperwork on the off chance?' demands Martin at last, sounding slightly offended.

'If you would like to make a complaint about me doing so, you'll need to fill in form 51d,' says Jon, '“Dispute raised between two employees who are in a romantic relationship as per form 55a-m”. So you could argue I was prepared.'

Martin splutters, and the splutter becomes, to Jon's relief, a laugh. 'Christ, you're an arse,' he says.

'Basira, did you want 51a?' Jon offers, waving the folder enticingly. She too is, if he's judging correctly, starting to look amused. '“Dispute raised between 1 employee and 2 or more others about the nature of their romantic relationship as per form 55a-m”.'

'I'm more concerned about the fact that my options are apparently you, Elias or HR,' she says with a snort. 'I'd say HR was the best of the bunch, but I didn't even know we have a HR department. Or are they just a haunted paper shredder?'

'Oh, no, there are actually two people in HR,' says Martin. 'Natalie's nineteen and she's only been here six months. She's working on her HR qualifications and she's scared of, well, everyone. I still haven't updated my paperwork for my sick leave with Jane Prentiss-'

'Martin,' says Jon, approvingly.

'-And she sends the odd email asking but they're all very apologetic. And Ashley's the Head of HR. They only work one morning a week and most of that time is spent in the Department Manager's meeting so…' He trails off and shrugs.

Basira sighs. 'That explains a lot,' she says.

'Yup,' agrees Martin.

'Look, um, Basira,' says Jon, serious once more. 'I, well, that is to say, I realise that the- the- actual chain of command you're, well, supernaturally bound to is rather untenable. And I can't exactly- But I don't want to make it worse. If Martin or I- If you are ever uncomfortable around the Archives, due to us-' He swallowed. 'I hope you'll tell one of us.'

'Oh, don't worry,' says Basira. 'I will.'

'Right. Good.'

'Besides,' she adds. 'I worked in the police. If you think I never walked in on a couple of cops having it off in the locker room then I don't know what to tell you.'

'Good lord.'

'I don't think that you have to worry about that from us, Basira,' deadpans Martin, with what might be a wink in Jon's direction, and Jon feels a huge burst of warmth bloom suddenly in his chest. It's _debilitating_ , feeling like this and trying to work, and he shakes himself as he leans forward. 

_Focus_ , he orders himself.

'What have you found?' he asks, and Basira opens up the top most folder.

  


* * *

  


Magnus Institute  
---  
London  
VIGILO•OPPERIOR•AUDIO  
54a | Specific romantic liaison ("date") between two (2) coworkers within one (1) department  
INVOLVED PARTIES  
| Party 1 | Job title  
---|---  
Jonathan Sims | Head Archivist  
Party 2 | Job title  
Martin Blackwood | Archival Assistant  
DETAILS  
| DATE COMMENCED | TIME COMMENCED  
---|---  
25th July 2017 | 7.40pm  
DATE CONCLUDED | TIME CONCLUDED  
26th July 2017 | 8.18am  
LOCATION  
Martin's flat  
ACTIVITIES ENGAGED IN  
-Dinner  
-Lovely homemade cake :)  
<3  
-Talking  
-Drunken card games in which we BOTH cheated, don't think I couldn't tell  
Maybe I just won because I'm very good  
ANY INSTITUTE DISCUSSION  
-The Unknowing came up  
-Extensive discussion of whether we would rather fight one Elias-sized eyeball or one hundred eyeball-sized Eliases  
ANY CODE OF CONDUCT BREACHES TO REPORT  
-Probably the Elias discussion, although I haven't found which specific rule it violates  
-Coming into work hungover  
DECLARATION AND SIGNATURES  
| THE BELOW UNDERSIGNED PARTIES CERTIFY THAT THE INFORMATION PROVIDED IN THIS FORM AND ANY ATTACHED SUPPLEMENTAL DOCUMENTS ARE TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF THEIR KNOWLEDGE.   
---  
Party 1  
SIGNED AND DATED | Head of Department  
SIGNED AND DATED  
JS 26/07 | JS 26/07  
Party 2  
SIGNED AND DATED | Head of HR  
SIGNED AND DATED  
MBlackwood 26/7/2017 |   
If more than two parties are attending, use form 54b. If the parties involved are within multiple departments, use forms 54c-f. For misc romantic liasons use form 54g.  
  
  


* * *

  


'I'm just _concerned_ that with the loss of his husband less than two years ago, he might be moving on a little fast,' says the Head of Finance.

Jon peers around the table as subtly as he can. He's starting to feel like he might be losing his mind. They can't actually be-? 

_Can they…?_

'A form 55d is quite a big commitment to someone new,' agrees the Head of HR. 'Perhaps we should put a meeting in with him to discuss and ensure he knows he's properly supported.'

'For Christ's sake let the man date who he wants.' Jon is rather shocked to realise the voice protesting is his own. 

Elias's lip curls upwards in what is unfortunately amusement.

The Head of HR looks taken aback. 'Well,' they say, 'that's a very modern approach to management, Jonathan, and I'm sure we'll take it under advisement, but…'

Jon sighs, and lets the meeting wash over him again.

Elias does not ask after the Archives' missing paperwork, and as the meeting ends, Jon feels briefly victorious as he grabs his things, not daring to look at his boss in case it-

'Jon, perhaps you could wait a moment?'

 _Fuck_.

'Yes, Elias?'

The other file out. The Head of Research even gives him a sympathetic look.

'If this is about the Unknowing then I would have made significantly more progress if I did not have to sit through a three hour meeting every-'

'Oh, no, Jon, I trust you're progressing well with that,' says Elias. His lips are thin. Jon wonders what would happen if he just… decked Elias, here and now. Probably Jon would break his fingers, knowing his luck. He's never learned to punch, never had cause to, and the evil god in his brain is not currently deigning to share the best technique. Elias's smile widens, ever so slightly. 'I just wanted to have a word about your paperwork backlog.'

'Given that I am currently prioritising research into the Unknowing-' says Jon, through teeth gritted strongly enough he gives himself a headache with only half a sentence.

'Of course, I do understand,' says Elias silkily, 'which is why, to provide the support you need to keep on top of your day job in addition to your… other responsibilities, I'm currently reviewing CVs to hire you some more Archival Assistants.'

Jon freezes. White hot fury mixes with icey burning terror in his gut in a swirling vortex. _He can't-_

But he can. Of course he can. And he will, if Jon doesn't-

'I'll get it done,' he snarls.

'Glad to hear it,' says Elias. 'Do let me know if you change your mind. I'm sure I can find it in the budget for another couple of assistants for you.'

'I won't.'

As he leaves, Elias says, 'All of it, Jon. Expenses, holidays, departmental budgets and equipment, and… anything _else_ HR requires.'

* * *

In his office, Jon slams and locks the door, and sinks to the floor, pulls his knees up and rests his head against them. His hair, pulled loose from its ties by relentless fidgeting, curtains out the rest of the world and he shuts his eyes.

Trapped.

They're all… trapped.

And if he doesn't-

If he can't-

He can't even give Martin _one nice thing_ without this place infecting it like a plague.

And now he's got to- because if he doesn't-

He's going to get someone else killed.

Time passes. 

There's a knock at the door behind him, then the handle wiggles. Since he locked himself in and then sat against the door, it doesn't move.

'Jon? I made tea?' It's Martin. Of course it's Martin. Jon doesn't want to see him. Jon wants to see him always.

'I'm fine,' says Jon.

There is a pause of an extremely dubious quality. 'Right, well, since firstly, I didn't even ask, actually, and secondly you sound like you're sitting on the floor next to the door, and thirdly, you did just barrel into your office after a management meeting and lock yourself in, I'm going to assume that one was a lie.' There is another pause. 'Look, if you- if you really don't want- I can just- just give you the tea and- and go, all right.'

Jon sighs. He scrubs his hand through his hair. He doesn't really know what Martin sees in him, but he does know Martin sounds a bit sad about the prospect that Jon might not want him there, and now Jon just feels like a dickhead.

'No, it's- fine, it's-' He sighs again, reaches up behind him to flip the lock, and shuffles over. 'Come in.'

The door opens, and Martin nearly trips over Jon.

'Oh, you're um.'

'Still on the floor, yes,' says Jon. He's not really ready to face his desk, even if he's extremely aware that for every moment that passes he's not doing the paperwork he needs to, risking someone else's life. 'Do you- want to...?' He trails off. Offering Martin the option to sit on the floor with him had sounded better in his head.

Martin, however, hands Jon his tea, shuts the office door, flips the lock, and sits down next to him. They drink in the quiet for a few minutes, their knees touching. It's a spot of warmth in an otherwise rotten chill that goes right to Jon's bones, and he leans into it unconsciously.

'Thank you,' he mutters at last.

'Any time,' says Martin, and he presses a code-of-conduct-breaking kiss to the top of Jon's head. Jon smiles to himself. 'Anything more, you know, substantial I can do to help?'

Jon eyes his desk malevolently. The paper fortress he's constructed over several years of simply never finishing his admin has always felt like a protective shield. Trust Elias to ruin it. At least Jane Prentiss's worms ate about nine months worth of backlog. If the receipts don't exist, he can't be forced to claim expenses for them, after all. He feels briefly envious of Jude Perry and her god. Right now being able to set things on fire to feed his god instead of reading bundles of dusty old paperwork is an option he envies. 

'I, it's- fine, Martin. Just Elias,' he says, turning to look at his boyfriend. He feels calmer, just for Martin's tea and company. Martin's eyes widen with worry all the same, which is probably reasonable. 'He didn't frame me for a crime this time,' adds Jon, in case that helps.

'Con…gratulations?' says Martin. He does not sound very congratulatory.

Jon laughs wearily and leans sideways to rest his head on Martin's shoulder.

Then the day and date occur to him.

'Oh, fuck,' he says.

'What?'

'Oh, god, Martin, I- I'm so sorry, I'm going to have to- shit- I'm going to need to reschedule our weekend,' he says. 'That absolute bastard. He knew. Of course he knew.'

'Obviously we know he's a bastard who planned… whatever this is,' says Martin reasonably, 'but why…? He's not got you working? Surely I can help with that? I mean, I do work here too. And I'm not having you going off by yourself and having who-knows-what happen again.' His voice has taken on a slightly brittle tone.

'Nothing quite so dramatic, for a change,' says Jon, gesturing at his desk. 'Just got to get the admin done. And given that we're not paid overtime, I don't think even I'm quite so horrible as to inflict that on you.'

Martin gives Jon's desk a grimace but nudges him with his elbow. 'Haul it back to your flat. Then I could come round to your place,' he says. 'Make you tea and sandwiches.'

Jon opens his mouth planning to object, he really does. He wants Martin to have a weekend off: no work, no looming threat of the end of the world, no statements, no _Elias_. Just something nice. Instead all he's got is this.

But he _wants_ Martin there. Wants him there so much it's all he can do not to grab hold of him and beg.

'It's not much of a date,' he mumbles at last.

'It's not the- Christ, I don't care, it's _you_ , Jon,' says Martin, and then immediately goes a violent shade of magenta.

'Oh,' says Jon, except it comes out all strangled. He fidgets with his collar. 'Ah. Good? You… too? I mean- That- I- I want- to- to see you, too.' 

Martin beams at him.

  


* * *

  


Magnus Institute  
---  
London  
VIGILO•OPPERIOR•AUDIO  
54a | Specific romantic liaison ("date") between two (2) coworkers within one (1) department  
INVOLVED PARTIES  
| Party 1 | Job title  
---|---  
Jonathan Sims | Head Archivist  
Party 2 | Job title  
Martin Blackwood | Archival Assistant  
DETAILS  
| DATE COMMENCED | TIME COMMENCED  
---|---  
28th July 2017 | 5.52pm  
DATE CONCLUDED | TIME CONCLUDED  
31st July 2017 | 8.02am  
LOCATION  
-Jon's flat  
-The park near Jon's flat  
-Sainsbury's Local  
ACTIVITIES ENGAGED IN  
-Work  
-Talking  
-Sleeping  
-Grocery shopping  
-Going for a walk  
-Laundry  
-Netflix  
-Tea-making :)  
  
ANY INSTITUTE DISCUSSION  
-The Unknowing came up  
-Elias's competence was discussed at length  
-Tim came up  
-Basira came up  
-Melanie came up  
-Sasha came up  
-Relative merits of working for Research vs working for the Library vs working for the Archives were discussed  
ANY CODE OF CONDUCT BREACHES TO REPORT  
1\. Everything we said about Elias  
2\. Doing expenses forms up to 5 years after the end of the fiscal year  
3\. Approving holiday for someone after they've passed  
4\. Dubious departmental budgeting  
5\. Doing paperwork while drinking alcohol  
6\. Getting curry on the paperwork  
  
7\. Frequently violating code of conduct item 5.2.6 while doing paperwork :)  
DECLARATION AND SIGNATURES  
| THE BELOW UNDERSIGNED PARTIES CERTIFY THAT THE INFORMATION PROVIDED IN THIS FORM AND ANY ATTACHED SUPPLEMENTAL DOCUMENTS ARE TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF THEIR KNOWLEDGE.   
---  
Party 1  
SIGNED AND DATED | Head of Department  
SIGNED AND DATED  
JS 31/07 | JS 31/07  
Party 2  
SIGNED AND DATED | Head of HR  
SIGNED AND DATED  
MBlackwood 31/7/2017 |   
If more than two parties are attending, use form 54b. If the parties involved are within multiple departments, use forms 54c-f. For misc romantic liasons use form 54g.  
  
  


* * *

  


The HR woman wrings her hands. Again.

'But- but- some of these forms were months- _years_ out of date,' she says. 'Finance have told me they can't pay expenses from five years ago!'

'So don't pay them,' says Jon without much interest. He's standing, hunting through his now much tidier desk until he uncovers the statement folder he wants with an 'Ah!' and picks it up. Then he slips it and his tape recorder under one arm, and picks up his half empty cup of lukewarm tea with the other and walks from his desk to his office door. The woman from HR follows him, still fluttering nervously.

'But we can't do _that_ -' she says. 'Jonathan, please can we-?'

'Martin!' 

Martin looks up. He'd been hunched over his computer screen. That can't be good for his back. Jon smiles at him all the same. Then remembers he's at work and in boss-mode.

'Please liaise with, ah… HR… about what they want,' says Jon. He makes a vague gesture for the HR woman to go and bother Martin and not him.

Martin's eyes narrow minutely before he turns a beatific smile on the interloper. 'Hi Natalie,' he says. 'I'd be _thrilled_ to help you out. What can I do for you?'

It is a tone of voice that says that unless Jon has a very good reason for this, there will be payback. It makes something inside of Jon go soft and coo.

Fortunately, for his future self, he does, in fact, have a very good reason.

He makes his way through the shelves and the stacks, each dimmer and dustier than the last. The murmuring of Martin and the HR woman - Natalie, apparently - quickly fade to nothingness behind the walls of boxes and papers. Finally he comes upon the trap door, and he sits himself down on the floor cross-legged, takes one last mouthful of tea, flips open the manila folder containing the statement, and presses play.

'Statement of Anya Villette, regarding a cleaning job on Hill Top Road. Original statement given April 22nd, 2009. Audio recording by Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, London. Statement begins.'

* * *

> _**5.2: Overall guidelines**  
>  5.2.8: Whilst the Institute aims to support its staff with flexible working arrangements, you should understand that, particularly if you are working in the same department as your partner(s), you may not be able to be out of the office at the same time, particularly at short notice. All requests for leave and flexi-time should be approved by your Head of Department using the appropriate procedures and documentation (see chapter 4 of this handbook)._

* * *

'So,' says Martin, 'your place or mine?' He gives an over-exaggerated wiggle of his eyebrows that is nonetheless belied by the wobbliness of his smile.

'It's half past two in the afternoon,' points out Jon, although he does manage a weary smile.

'And tomorrow you're going to drive to Great Yarmouth to- to-' Martin breaks off and swallows. 'I don't think you need to do anything other than get a good night's sleep.' His mouth sets in a firm line, his brows furrowing. 'We've all done our- done our recordings. We've got our plan. We don't- we don't need to be here Jon. Just- come home. Please.' His voice cracks, ever-so-slightly.

Jon looks down at his hands. His right is still stiff and pained and shaking, even now, months later, skin shiny and misshaped. His left is pock-marked. He doesn't look like someone who should be going on a mission to save the world. He doesn't look like someone that Martin ought to care about.

'I- all right,' he says at last. 

When he looks up, Martin looks surprised.

'Well you're not wrong,' he mumbles defensively. 'There's nothing to do here but sit around and brood. I might as well do that on your sofa. It's not like the others are likely to want to talk to me.' 

They make their way out of the Archives - and the Assistants' bullpen is predictably empty - and up the stairs.

'I don't think I'll have much time to do the paperwork for this particular date,' Jon says, as they go. 'Do you think Elias will let me off, or will I have to submit it after?' He's trying to joke, to ignore the rising lump in his throat. If he and the world survive for there to be paperwork to do, it'll be a treat. 

'Christ, Jon,' mutters Martin, telling him the lightness of his tone was perhaps not as successful as he'd hoped. Or perhaps Martin's thinking of Elias more specifically, but Jon hopes not. It's dangerous to dwell too much, even now. 'If you ask nicely, maybe I'll do it for you,' he adds at last.

'You don't have to-'

'I know, I know,' interrupts Martin. 'But I might need- tomorrow- while you're driving down there- I might need something to take my mind off-'

'Should have saved some expenses forms,' mutters Jon.

Martin snickers, although it's a bit half-hearted. 

It's almost a surprise to find the front desk occupied, Rosie engaged in gossip with someone Jon doesn't recognise. They're chatting away like it's a normal day doing a normal job. Not like the world might end this weekend. Jon feels extremely clandestine as he leaves the building, although Martin shamelessly waves and says goodbye to the two chatting, and then laughs more openly at Jon as they walk down the road.

'Have you _ever_ left work early before?' he asks, reaching to take Jon's hand.

'Have _you_?' demands Jon, since he's watched his Assistants' working habits over the years, and by now knows Martin is far from a slacker.

'Um. Three times,' says Martin. 'Shut up!' he adds, when Jon snorts.

'Three times in ten years,' says Jon. 'Look at you, Mr Rebellious over here.'

'Go on then,' says Martin. 'How many times have you left work early before today?'

'Once, actually,' says Jon, which, well, doesn't technically put him too far behind Martin. 'I broke my wrist falling off one of the ladders in the library and my manager made me go to hospital.'

Martin chokes and nearly trips over his feet. 'Oh my god that was _you_ ,' he says. He pauses. 'Wait, what am I talking about? Of course that was you. That was the biggest news of the week in the Library when it- wait, that doesn't count as _leaving early_ , Jon, I swear to- what- how- Oh my god. I meant have you ever, you know, skived off.'

'I'm skiving now, aren't I?' grumbles Jon. He gestures at himself. 'No broken bones.'

Martin snorts. 'Well I guess I'm just that special then,' he says, nudging Jon with an elbow.

'Yes,' says Jon. 'You are.' 

At that, Martin goes a stupendous shade of red and clamps his mouth shut, and Jon smiles, some tiny part of the tension inside him uncoiling just a little. Of all the abilities he's gained over the past couple of years, making Martin blush might be the only one that matters.

  


* * *

  


Magnus Institute  
---  
London  
VIGILO•OPPERIOR•AUDIO  
54a | Specific romantic liaison ("date") between two (2) coworkers within one (1) department  
INVOLVED PARTIES  
| Party 1 | Job title  
---|---  
Jonathan Sims | Head Archivist  
Party 2 | Job title  
Martin Blackwood | Archival Assistant  
DETAILS  
| DATE COMMENCED | TIME COMMENCED  
---|---  
Fri 4th Aug 17 | 2.30pm  
DATE CONCLUDED | TIME CONCLUDED  
Sat 5th Aug 17 | 11am  
LOCATION  
Martin's flat  
ACTIVITIES ENGAGED IN  
-Getting dinner  
-Resting & sleeping  
-Talking  
ANY INSTITUTE DISCUSSION  
-The Unknowing  
-Other Archival assistants (past and present)  
ANY CODE OF CONDUCT BREACHES TO REPORT  
None.  
(Jon - we're allowed to leave the office early. I checked the policy - just need dept manager approval :) )  
DECLARATION AND SIGNATURES  
| THE BELOW UNDERSIGNED PARTIES CERTIFY THAT THE INFORMATION PROVIDED IN THIS FORM AND ANY ATTACHED SUPPLEMENTAL DOCUMENTS ARE TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF THEIR KNOWLEDGE.   
---  
Party 1  
SIGNED AND DATED | Head of Department  
SIGNED AND DATED  
|   
Party 2  
SIGNED AND DATED | Head of HR  
SIGNED AND DATED  
MBlackwood 5/8/2017 |   
If more than two parties are attending, use form 54b. If the parties involved are within multiple departments, use forms 54c-f. For misc romantic liasons use form 54g.  
  
  


* * *

  


Martin's new office is big, and cold, and almost empty.

It has one chair, and a desk. There is a window, but up here on the top floor of the Institute, it's impossible to make out the individual features of anyone walking below. They're all just stick figures. They could be anyone. Besides, the window is all the way over there, and the desk is in the middle of the room. On that desk is a computer. In the desk drawers is a tape recorder, some pens, and a notepad. Everything else is kept behind closed doors. The office also has a lock on the door, and the walls are bare. 

Peter likes things tidy.

This is why Martin is surprised when he arrives for work one morning to find a folder on his desk.

On the folder is a post-it note.

The handwriting is Peter's.

> Martin - 
> 
> Just tidying up some loose ends with the paperwork left over from Elias's tenure. Please assist with the enclosed. It's not perfectly applicable, but it's the most suitable of the available options.
> 
> Peter

Martin opens the folder.

  


* * *

  


Magnus Institute  
---  
London  
VIGILO•OPPERIOR•AUDIO  
58k | Dissolution of romantic relationship between two (2) coworkers due to death (whilst in the services of the Magnus Institute) of one member  
INVOLVED PARTIES  
| Surviving Party | Job title  
---|---  
Martin Blackwood | Assistant to Peter Lukas  
Deceased Party | Job title  
J |   
DETAILS  
| DATE OF DEATH | TIME OF DEATH  
---|---  
|   
CAUSE OF DEATH  
BEREAVEMENT LEAVE TAKEN  
Please attach a death certificate and/or coroner's report. If neither are available due to the nature of the incident, please attach what supplementary documentation and proof is available.  
DECLARATION AND SIGNATURES  
| THE BELOW UNDERSIGNED PARTIES CERTIFY THAT THE INFORMATION PROVIDED IN THIS FORM AND ANY ATTACHED SUPPLEMENTAL DOCUMENTS ARE TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF THEIR KNOWLEDGE.   
---  
Surviving Party  
SIGNED AND DATED | Head of Department  
SIGNED AND DATED  
|   
Head of the Magnus Institute  
SIGNED AND DATED | Head of HR  
SIGNED AND DATED  
|   
If the death happened due to circumstances not related to work at the Magnus Institute, use form 58l. If more than 2 parties were involved in the relationship, please used forms 58m if the death related to work at the Magnus Institute and 58n if it did not.  
  
  


* * *

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forms needed if I ever write a sequel:
> 
>   * Form 59g: Resumption of previous 55a-m relationship after one party has murdered the colleague who was standing in the way of it (NB: all homicidal action must have line manager, HR and Head of the Magnus Institute approval prior to it being committed - please submit form 17a-j)
>   * Form 56m: Elopement in Scotland of two (2) coworkers within one (1) department
>   * Form 51q: Dispute raised against Head of the Magnus Institute for interrupting the honeymoon of two (2) coworkers within one (1) department
>   * Form 2a: Dispute raised against Head of the Magnus Institute for causing the apocalypse
>   * Form 17d: Request to murder the Head of the Magnus Institute
> 

> 
> Anyway, if you liked this, you might like my somewhat more cheerful in tone epistolary series, [The Magnus Institute vs the 21st Century](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1807057). I Will Populate This Fandom With Eldritch Bureaucracy If It’s The Last Thing I do.
> 
> Otherwise, I have written some TMA fic not based solely around bureaucratic shenanigans - [please do check it out if you fancy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinyopals/pseuds/shinyopals/works?fandom_id=11812534)!
> 
> Comments/kudos/recs/reblogs/etc are always appreciated. And please do come and [say hello on tumblr](https://shinyopals.tumblr.com/)!


End file.
